"Birthday"

As today, Holden’s seventh birthday, comes to an end, I can’t help looking back at his last year.  Normally I would write something about how much having Holden in my life has changed my life so much, and for the better.  It is very true that Holden has changed my life so much, and I can not even express how much it has changed it for the better.  However, I am going to put myself aside, for once, and reflect upon Holden’s year.


This year has been a year of great advancement for Holden, and tough changes.  It has been a year of up and downs, and lots of new people in his life.  It has been a year of increased family presence, in the form of his grandfather and step grandmother, his uncle, his grandmother, and most of all his mother.  All these people had been in his life before, but now they are in his life as much as on a daily basis.  They all make him so happy, and he loves having them more present in his life.  He has a “one on one” aid at his school that he loves, and therapists who enjoy working with him, despite his occasionally challenging behaviours.  


I am not going to dwell on the tough times this year for him, they are all well documented in the blogs that precede this one.  So lets talk about some of his accomplishments.  Holden participated in the Special Olympics School Games last week.  He won a silver medal and two bronze medals.  I have to say that the whole experience was great for him, and I loved watching him.  I didn’t expect to be so affected by him marching in during the opening ceremonies, holding the banner for his school with three other kids.  It was a very emotional moment for me.  


Scholastically Holden has been doing so amazing.  Everything has just been progressing so well, especially with his reading and writing.  He continues to show great intelligence, creativity and artistic ability.  Now he is also beginning to empathize with people.  Understand their emotional states, and comment on them occasionally.  This is such a huge step in his development.  He is getting more inclusion time with kids in general first grade, and I believe this inclusion time with continue to grow, and hopefully some day replace his special day class.


Just earlier this week, Holden was playing with sidewalk chalk, and he wrote “Holden’s House” on the house.  I was so happy to see him write that.  Zane was born in Santa Barbara, and has always felt close ties to it, Holden was born in Escondido, and it was the only home he ever knew.  He often asked for it, and still does, to a much lesser degree.  For him to write Holden’s home on his new home in Santa Barbara was a really great step in his life.  I believe he has really come to accept this as his home, not just the house, but the city as well.  We now have our spots we like to go too, and he knows all the places he likes, when we are driving around.  Holden has always loved the beach, and here he is so much closer to it.


As I watched Holden patiently wait for us all to sing him happy birthday, I truly got a sense of how far Holden has come.  He knew the lyrics to the song, sang it with us, then blew out his candle.  It seemed like such a simple and natural thing to observe, and yet I believe it was the first time Holden understood what it all meant, and why it was happening.  It’s always hard to watch our children grow up, and need us less and less.  It is a bittersweet part of being a parent.  In Holden’s case it is an especially difficult thing to watch, because he was so dependent upon us.  When we go for walks, and he doesn’t want to hold my hand anymore, and I can actually let him walk on his own. I can’t help feel a huge surge of pride in him, and a gaping hole in my soul open up.  For Holden each milestone of independence he achieves, is another huge step in his war against his disability, a war that has no end, but now we see a lot more victorious battles, than losing ones.


note: this title is the Beatles “Birthday” song, just in case there was any confusion.