"All in All"

I am doing something different for this blog.  I am starting it, with no idea what I am going to write about.  In reality, it doesn't really matter, because I begin each blog with an idea of what I am going to write about, but just like writing fiction, I soon find my fingers have taken over.  Of course the best things in life happen this way, organically.  We can’t force our will on the world and expect it to succumb to our wishes.  Sometimes though, life sends us such a treat, a little nugget of perfection, that we didn't anticipate or expect, and it is so awesome.  The key to it, is being open to it, allowing it to enter our soul, and speak to us.  If we are too stuck on our path to notice the beautiful flowers on the side, how are we going to notice when a side trail turns up, and has great things to offer us.  Certainly there is something to planning, and the old saying failing to plan, is planning to fail, has some truth to it, but we also need to be open to the unforeseen.  Sometimes those things are what are meant to be.

This is the best approach to take with Holden, because there is no anticipating every possible contingency.  There are days where I am sure he is so happy, and perfectly in sync, that I could throw anything at him, and he would be flexible.  Of course these are the days I end up frustrated and baffled, and Holden ends up melting down.  What I have begun to realize though is it’s not just about trying to anticipate every possible thing that could come up, it’s also about seizing those moments that come up, and can become part of the plan.  The complete unpredictability of Holden is what makes him predictable.  By accepting this idea, it becomes so much easier to work with him.  It’s about responding to him, and not reacting to him.  It’s about listening to him, and not telling him what to do.  It’s about watching his cues, and learning to anticipate when we are veering off course, and when we are simply stopping to appreciate the flowers on the side of the path.  To let him chose the path that goes off the main path, because in the end it leads to the same place, just with a little change of scenery.  Certainly there are times when the path leads to danger, and then it’s time to reason with him, and show him why that path is a bad choice, and show him the alternative paths that are open to him.  Let him choose the alternative that best suits him.  

Of course this approach to Holden also works on Zane, with even better results, because it teaches him that his choices have repercussions.  How can we expect our children to learn to be responsible, if we never give them choices, and they don’t understand the responsibility in having those choices.  “With great power, comes great responsibility”, what greater power in life is there than choices.  Our life is what it is, because of the choices we make.  Each choice we have, is an opportunity to better ourselves, or make life worse.  To show our moral fabric, or lack of it.  To be the person we want to be, or take the easy path.  To practice what we preach, or be a hypocrite.  That is what I want Zane to understand, not to mirror my beliefs, morals, and ideals, but to understand that he is defining his own by making the choices he makes.

As an adult, I make choices everyday that have repercussions on not only myself, but my boys and countless others.  I don’t always make the right choice, especially when it comes to the boys, but that is called being human.  I would rather make choices that turn out to be mistakes, than not make choices at all.