There has been much written on the subject of change. For the most part there is a general consensus that change is good, though not always easy. I think for the most part we are creatures of habit, very easily getting stuck in a rut. Something I have always found interesting, is that I drive the same way to work everyday, and the same way home everyday, but I use a different route for going to work, then I use for coming home from work. There is no doubt that the coolest job I ever had, was working for Toad The Wet Sprocket as a roadie, specifically being Todd’s roadie. He was always so open to trying new things, and even if we didn’t stick with it, he always gave it a real try. I was always so grateful for the opportunity to be creative in my job, and have the ability to affect change.
Holden’s OCD tendencies make it difficult for him to deal with change. The more I can prepare him for things, the better they go, but even when prepared, it can affect him badly. We are going through a major change right now. We are relocating to my home town, and I have been spending the last month packing things. We have been in our home for 10 years, so there is a lot of accumulated, well frankly, crap. So, between packing, and throwing things away, the house is a different place almost everyday. Holden is so aware of details, and notices everything. Everyday, he comes home, and has to deal with more things in his environment changed. All in all, he has been doing such a great job with it all, but the other day he had a pretty major melt down. I have been anticipating this for a while. To give an example of how attentive he is, and what it can lead to, we once made this crayola putty painting, and after time the frame broke. I didn’t think much of it and threw it away, but Holden totally noticed it missing, and tried to dig it our of the trash and put it back on the wall. After it fell, the hardened putty broke out in several places, so he wanted to tape the putty back in place, then tape it to the wall. It was a bit of a battle to get him to accept that it was not going back on the wall. So you can imagine how it is for him to come home and find all the guitars no longer hanging from the wall, all the prints gone form the walls, books and book shelves gone, counters empty, and boxes everywhere. The other day he decided he wanted to pack his own box of things, and I highly encouraged this. Until he decided to unpack his box, then got the idea to unpack my boxes too.
I have been trying to prepare him for this move for quite a while. Every opportunity I get I tell him about it, where we are going, and when. I am not really sure how much he understands though. Every time we have visited in the past, he has always enjoyed it. There is so much more of the things we all enjoy doing there, and with time he will love it. It’s just the process of getting there, and all the change that is going on, that I am sure is driving him crazy. So when he melted down a few days ago, I was especially patient with him. When he has a melt down, I am always very firm with him, that he is still not going to get what he wants, so there is no point in his melting down. I tend to be especially strict when he screams, and tell him that screaming will get him nothing. However on this occasion I didn’t really try to stop him, or redirect him, I let him go off for a little bit. I was very calm, and spoke very softly to him. Zane was a little put off by this, cause he knows that my zero tolerance method usually works very well, and asked me why I was staying so calm through such a bad melt down. I explained to him, that his brother was reacting to all the changes going on around him, and that this was the culmination of many days of frustration, finally being expressed. Zane, ever the compassionate big brother simple said, “Well that’s stupid.” After his melt down, which was because he couldn’t get all the straps of a back pack to buckle around him, was over, he came over and wanted me to hold him for a bit. I love every second I get to hold him, and was happy to oblige, then I got out a different back pack that does buckle in two places and he was all smiles again. I probably could have redirected him to this back pack right away, but I really felt like he needed that release. Holden can’t talk about his feelings, he can’t write in a journal, he can’t play the guitar, so sometimes he needs a way to get out that pent up anxiety from the things in his life. Certainly dealing with an ever changing environment will cause him some pent up anxiety. So I indulged in his melt down, and by not redirecting it, kind of encouraged it. If it was Zane that was being bothered by the move, I would ask him what it was that was bugging him, and get him to talk about it. Get him to express his feelings about the situation, and help him come to terms with it. At this point, that is virtually impossible with Holden.
Change is good, and this change feels so very right to me. I am confident this is the right choice for so many reasons, and the boys and I will benefit from it in so many ways. That doesn’t mean there may not be some bad days along the way. There is nothing fun about moving, packing, or cleaning, but the end justifies the means. When this is all over, and we are all settled in our new environment, I may allow myself a major melt down, but I will probably just splurge and buy a pizza instead.
Holden’s OCD tendencies make it difficult for him to deal with change. The more I can prepare him for things, the better they go, but even when prepared, it can affect him badly. We are going through a major change right now. We are relocating to my home town, and I have been spending the last month packing things. We have been in our home for 10 years, so there is a lot of accumulated, well frankly, crap. So, between packing, and throwing things away, the house is a different place almost everyday. Holden is so aware of details, and notices everything. Everyday, he comes home, and has to deal with more things in his environment changed. All in all, he has been doing such a great job with it all, but the other day he had a pretty major melt down. I have been anticipating this for a while. To give an example of how attentive he is, and what it can lead to, we once made this crayola putty painting, and after time the frame broke. I didn’t think much of it and threw it away, but Holden totally noticed it missing, and tried to dig it our of the trash and put it back on the wall. After it fell, the hardened putty broke out in several places, so he wanted to tape the putty back in place, then tape it to the wall. It was a bit of a battle to get him to accept that it was not going back on the wall. So you can imagine how it is for him to come home and find all the guitars no longer hanging from the wall, all the prints gone form the walls, books and book shelves gone, counters empty, and boxes everywhere. The other day he decided he wanted to pack his own box of things, and I highly encouraged this. Until he decided to unpack his box, then got the idea to unpack my boxes too.
I have been trying to prepare him for this move for quite a while. Every opportunity I get I tell him about it, where we are going, and when. I am not really sure how much he understands though. Every time we have visited in the past, he has always enjoyed it. There is so much more of the things we all enjoy doing there, and with time he will love it. It’s just the process of getting there, and all the change that is going on, that I am sure is driving him crazy. So when he melted down a few days ago, I was especially patient with him. When he has a melt down, I am always very firm with him, that he is still not going to get what he wants, so there is no point in his melting down. I tend to be especially strict when he screams, and tell him that screaming will get him nothing. However on this occasion I didn’t really try to stop him, or redirect him, I let him go off for a little bit. I was very calm, and spoke very softly to him. Zane was a little put off by this, cause he knows that my zero tolerance method usually works very well, and asked me why I was staying so calm through such a bad melt down. I explained to him, that his brother was reacting to all the changes going on around him, and that this was the culmination of many days of frustration, finally being expressed. Zane, ever the compassionate big brother simple said, “Well that’s stupid.” After his melt down, which was because he couldn’t get all the straps of a back pack to buckle around him, was over, he came over and wanted me to hold him for a bit. I love every second I get to hold him, and was happy to oblige, then I got out a different back pack that does buckle in two places and he was all smiles again. I probably could have redirected him to this back pack right away, but I really felt like he needed that release. Holden can’t talk about his feelings, he can’t write in a journal, he can’t play the guitar, so sometimes he needs a way to get out that pent up anxiety from the things in his life. Certainly dealing with an ever changing environment will cause him some pent up anxiety. So I indulged in his melt down, and by not redirecting it, kind of encouraged it. If it was Zane that was being bothered by the move, I would ask him what it was that was bugging him, and get him to talk about it. Get him to express his feelings about the situation, and help him come to terms with it. At this point, that is virtually impossible with Holden.
Change is good, and this change feels so very right to me. I am confident this is the right choice for so many reasons, and the boys and I will benefit from it in so many ways. That doesn’t mean there may not be some bad days along the way. There is nothing fun about moving, packing, or cleaning, but the end justifies the means. When this is all over, and we are all settled in our new environment, I may allow myself a major melt down, but I will probably just splurge and buy a pizza instead.
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