In two weeks Zane will be entering his teen years. The flood of thoughts that enter my mind over this concept is like the Mississippi (M I S S I S S I P P I , I always feel like a kid when I spell that!) during rainy season. Most of the fears attached to those thoughts are because of my own issues pertaining to childhood, and my teenage years. The great thing is, Zane isn’t me. He never has been, and he never will be. Honestly he is a much better person than I was at his age, and I have no doubt he will be a much better adult then I have been, when he reaches adulthood. The other great thing is that a lot of the time, Zane is okay with being Zane. I am very fortunate that Zane also likes that I am his dad. I think my own totally lack of sanity, a typicality, and predictability help him feel comfortable as he deals with his own oddities (which we all have).
We communicate...
It’s pretty damn cool!
He sends me emails of videos he wants me to watch, I send him emails of pictures I think he would like. We hangout and watch movies when his brother is asleep or with his mother. Zane has recently started playing bass, he already plays drums at school, has taken piano lessons, and loves to play the ocarina. The cool thing with him playing bass is that I am teaching him, and we have begun to play my songs together. This was a dream come true for me. When Zane was born, I always wanted to play music with him. In the last month we have done just that! I have been teaching him some of my songs, and we have been jamming together (again in stolen moments when his brother isn’t around or is asleep). This is super cool for me, because it is an interest of his that I don’t have to take a crash course in. I believe it is important to keep up with my kids interests. So I try to learn about the things that Zane likes so we can talk about them. Honestly, some of the things he likes, just don’t interest me, but I learn about them anyway. We do happen to read the same books a lot. Sometimes it’s me reading his choices, sometimes him reading my choices. It’s so cool to have Zane walk into the living room and declare indignantly “How could they leave Tom Bombadil out of the movies!” Meaning he just read the part in the Fellowship of the Ring where the hobbits meet Tom Bombadil. To which we enter a long conversation how movies, even great ones, can’t replicate books. The other great thing about Zane, is that often, after he has said something in anger to me, he will come back later and tell me he doesn’t really feel that way, and he was just “pissed off”. I greatly appreciate him communicating this to me, and I think it shows a lot of maturity. Certainly I would love for him to have enough self control to never say those things in the first place, but that is asking a lot of a soon to be thirteen year old.
One of the many reasons that Zane is so mature, is without a doubt, because he has had to grow up with an autistic little brother. The things that Zane has had to witness, and live through, are honestly more than a child should have to live through. Unfortunately, children are forced to live through things much worse everyday in countries that are at war. In Zane’s case, I think the key has been being open and honest with him about the things going on. To keep a dialog going about why Holden does what he does. The interesting thing that I have witnessed, is that when other people make comments about Holden or, give Holden a condescending look in public, Zane is always very affected by it. He often rises to Holden’s defense. Where as when we are alone at home, Holden is his annoying autistic little brother. My own brothers were the same way, torment me at home, but if one of their friends got too rough with me, they were quick to come to my rescue. Almost as if to say, “Hey that’s my punching bag, leave it the hell alone!”
So we enter this time in a boys life, when they usually start having big confrontations with his father. It is that chest pounding age where boys try to become men. They seek the man they know best, and begin to posture. They push the boundaries and see if their father is man enough to push back. I think it’s all a big load of crap, and I hope Zane does too. Cause I would much rather sit back and jam some tunes with him, then have to play some dominance game with him. Walking around the house metaphorically pissing on everything, marking our respective territory. Who want’s to do that? And the clean-up, forget it!
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