It has been a while since I had time to put fingers to keys, and I have to apologize for that. The issues that arose from moving were so much more taxing, and emotionally draining on us all, then I ever could have predicted. As is usually the case, Holden suffered the worse, and said the least about it. To give you an example of how much Holden’s routines mean to him, last night Holden decided he wanted to take a bath before bed. He asked with plenty of time, so I was happy to run a bath for him, bubbles and all. Prior to going into his bath, he took off his clothes and went to the bathroom. After soaking, splashing, and playing with the bubbles, he flipped the switch to drain the water, his sign to me that he is done, and got out of his bath. I dried him and got him ready for bed. He began his routine of “Go potty and brush your teeth” as he says. Every night he goes potty, then brushes his teeth. Well having just gone to the bathroom prior to taking his bath, he found he didn’t have to go. Now if this were any of us, we would probably not even think twice about moving on to brushing our teeth and going to bed, not Holden. He began to get very upset and continue to try to go to the bathroom. He tried to implore me to help him go to the bathroom, something that to my knowledge, is impossible. So, I did the only thing I could do, I comforted him, held his hand and rubbed his back, until around ten minutes later he managed to squeeze out a few drops of urine, and happily moved on to brushing his teeth (after washing his hands of course). These routines are so important to Holden, and he has such attention to detail, that he notices everything that changes. The first night we were in the new house, we used the hall bathroom to get ready for bed, because I had only unpacked one bathroom, now he has to get ready for bed in that bathroom, even though he sleeps in the master bedroom that has it’s own bathroom. So you can imagine how hard moving was on him, well guess what, it was worse then I thought. . .
It soon became very apparent that I would only be able to pack while Holden was in school, this immediately cut down the days I had to pack. When I tried to pack with Holden around, he would try to put back everything I packed. As I stated in my last blog, he would even try to unpack the boxes I had already packed. Well, even with my packing while he was at school, and trying to make the situation as easy on him as I could, the affects soon became physical. He began to pick at his face from the anxiety, and eventually picked his face raw in several places. I can not even begin to tell you how heart breaking it is to see your child’s face bloody and scabbed from something, you know in the end will do him so much good. However, all the good to come, didn’t help through the present suffering for Holden, and eventually myself. It became so difficult, and time was running out for my deadline to move, that I had to start paying my nanny for extra days to pack. I was trying to do things with no money, no time, and time running out, while Holden was becoming more and more upset by the whole experience. Zane also began to have his own issues about moving. He began to realize that he would be leaving his friends behind, and going to the unknown. He was also becoming especially moody and upset. The over all atmosphere was one of discomfort and anxiety. The absolute low point came, after we had finally gotten here, began to get moved in, and we had to make a return trip to Escondido to further clean and take stuff to the dump. Holden was barely beginning to adjust, he was asking to go back to “Daddy’s house” which I had to explain was where we now were. We had only spent two nights in our new home, and we were going to have to go back. This was so incredibly hard to do. I knew it would further confuse Holden, plus we would have to drive from Santa Barbara to Escondido and back to Santa Barbara in one day. I dreaded the trip and the affect on Holden so much, but we had no choice, for one thing my truck was still in Escondido. The one bright spot of this was my dad took us back to Escondido, and Holden absolutely loves his grandfather. He was so happy to be in the car with Grampa, and to make a few stops with his Grampa along the way. That ended as soon as we got to Escondido, and Grampa had to go. Once again I had my Nanny watching the boys while I worked, and in truth, I needed another day to get everything I needed to get done done, but I couldn’t do that to Holden. I had to get us back to Santa Barbara, and try to start moving forward with life. I regret that I had to leave things the way I did, but I had already caused Holden so much damage, and his poor face was to raw and scabbed, that I had to make that call.
I am happy to say we are all adjusting well. I probably did the weirdest move in of all time, because I focused on absolute essentials first, then started hanging pictures and prints. I did that because a) those pictures and prints were familiar to Holden, and b) he would notice as soon as I put them up, so rather then cause more and more change everyday, I tried to get that stuff up first, then unpacked the many boxes of stuff as I needed them. He was less likely to realize when I unpacked the silverware, then putting up a print of Jimmie Hendrix. I am also happy to say that Holden is almost completely healed up. There were a few places he continued to pick at for a while, one spot in particular that is almost completely healed, and I think there will be little to no scaring.
I am also happy to say that my gut was right. So far everything has been so much better for the boys. Zane loves his new school and has made friends quickly. Holden is doing well in his knew school, and was especially happy when he got to start taking the bus again. The schools are so much easier to work with, and are ready to assist and provide the services that the boys, especially Holden require. The Regional Center seems to be very willing to help, and also provide services to Holden. Things are settling in well, and the boys are liking their new environment. Holden still asks for Escondido and San Diego, but he also has begun talking about Santa Barbara a lot, and has fallen into a routine he seems to really like. Things are working out well, but I can’t tell you how much I questioned my choices along the way. I couldn’t help but think I had put Holden through hell for the wrong reasons. There is also no doubt that Holden went through some of his darkest days in his young life. He was brought home from the hospital into the house in Escondido, and it was primarily the only home he had ever really known.
There are a few more hurtles for us to get past, like a job for me, but the future looks bright!
It soon became very apparent that I would only be able to pack while Holden was in school, this immediately cut down the days I had to pack. When I tried to pack with Holden around, he would try to put back everything I packed. As I stated in my last blog, he would even try to unpack the boxes I had already packed. Well, even with my packing while he was at school, and trying to make the situation as easy on him as I could, the affects soon became physical. He began to pick at his face from the anxiety, and eventually picked his face raw in several places. I can not even begin to tell you how heart breaking it is to see your child’s face bloody and scabbed from something, you know in the end will do him so much good. However, all the good to come, didn’t help through the present suffering for Holden, and eventually myself. It became so difficult, and time was running out for my deadline to move, that I had to start paying my nanny for extra days to pack. I was trying to do things with no money, no time, and time running out, while Holden was becoming more and more upset by the whole experience. Zane also began to have his own issues about moving. He began to realize that he would be leaving his friends behind, and going to the unknown. He was also becoming especially moody and upset. The over all atmosphere was one of discomfort and anxiety. The absolute low point came, after we had finally gotten here, began to get moved in, and we had to make a return trip to Escondido to further clean and take stuff to the dump. Holden was barely beginning to adjust, he was asking to go back to “Daddy’s house” which I had to explain was where we now were. We had only spent two nights in our new home, and we were going to have to go back. This was so incredibly hard to do. I knew it would further confuse Holden, plus we would have to drive from Santa Barbara to Escondido and back to Santa Barbara in one day. I dreaded the trip and the affect on Holden so much, but we had no choice, for one thing my truck was still in Escondido. The one bright spot of this was my dad took us back to Escondido, and Holden absolutely loves his grandfather. He was so happy to be in the car with Grampa, and to make a few stops with his Grampa along the way. That ended as soon as we got to Escondido, and Grampa had to go. Once again I had my Nanny watching the boys while I worked, and in truth, I needed another day to get everything I needed to get done done, but I couldn’t do that to Holden. I had to get us back to Santa Barbara, and try to start moving forward with life. I regret that I had to leave things the way I did, but I had already caused Holden so much damage, and his poor face was to raw and scabbed, that I had to make that call.
I am happy to say we are all adjusting well. I probably did the weirdest move in of all time, because I focused on absolute essentials first, then started hanging pictures and prints. I did that because a) those pictures and prints were familiar to Holden, and b) he would notice as soon as I put them up, so rather then cause more and more change everyday, I tried to get that stuff up first, then unpacked the many boxes of stuff as I needed them. He was less likely to realize when I unpacked the silverware, then putting up a print of Jimmie Hendrix. I am also happy to say that Holden is almost completely healed up. There were a few places he continued to pick at for a while, one spot in particular that is almost completely healed, and I think there will be little to no scaring.
I am also happy to say that my gut was right. So far everything has been so much better for the boys. Zane loves his new school and has made friends quickly. Holden is doing well in his knew school, and was especially happy when he got to start taking the bus again. The schools are so much easier to work with, and are ready to assist and provide the services that the boys, especially Holden require. The Regional Center seems to be very willing to help, and also provide services to Holden. Things are settling in well, and the boys are liking their new environment. Holden still asks for Escondido and San Diego, but he also has begun talking about Santa Barbara a lot, and has fallen into a routine he seems to really like. Things are working out well, but I can’t tell you how much I questioned my choices along the way. I couldn’t help but think I had put Holden through hell for the wrong reasons. There is also no doubt that Holden went through some of his darkest days in his young life. He was brought home from the hospital into the house in Escondido, and it was primarily the only home he had ever really known.
There are a few more hurtles for us to get past, like a job for me, but the future looks bright!
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