In a lot of ways, it would seem that humans are a constant breakdown in logic. I could take time to explain this in great detail, give examples, and even interview people. In reality I only need to mention two things: Relationships, and smoking. These two subjects create such vivid examples in all of our lives, that there is no need to over explain. We all know people, or are people, who have been attracted to people who are not good for us, or to us. Yet despite logically knowing this, we are still attracted to them. That is a breakdown in logic. Smoking is the same thing. We all know smoking can, and will kill us, yet people still smoke. It’s like playing cellular Russian Roulette, we never know which cell has the potential to go cancerous, but we know it’s there. These breakdowns in logic are all over the place in life, and like the bee used to be for science, they are mysteries waiting to be solved.
As with all things involving Holden these breakdowns present themselves in unique ways. Holden loves music. He loves to sing it, he loves to listen to it, he loves to be around it. One time he asked me to put on a particular DVD for him, is was the Baby Beethoven DVDs. He said the DVD by name, but when I put it on he got upset. He began to say “5” over and “music” over and over again. The DVD came with a music CD as well, so I took out the movie and put in the CD. He became happy, but continued to say “5”. I was totally perplexed, until he started singing Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” the fourth movement of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. So I advanced the CD to the 5th track, and sure enough, it was the “Ode to Joy”. He knew exactly what he wanted to listen too. There have been particular CDs that he absolutely loves. One such CD was the music to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer that came with a Christmas collection DVD. He would listen to this all the time, skipping some tracks, and replaying others. Here is where the Breakdown comes in though, after he was done listening, he would take the CD out and start playing with it. Over time it got so scratched it wouldn’t play anymore. He would get very upset, and I used it as an example of what happens when a CD gets scratched. He understands the concept now, because when a movie or CD skips, he immediately says scratched. Yet to this day, he still abuses CDs and DVDs if I let him. In fact, he sometimes gets so upset when they get scratched, that I have taken great care to never let him watch his favorite movies on his portable DVD player, because he always ends up taking them out, and not putting them back in the cases. In all honesty, through my constant nagging, he has gotten better at putting them away, but certainly he does not always do it.
Another example of this was his laptop. I had this old Dell laptop. Now there is a lot I can say about Dell that would be negative, don’t even get me started about their tech support, but I have to say that laptop took a beating, before it finally died. Holden loved that laptop, he loves to surf the net, play youtube videos, and draw on the computer. He loves to change settings, changing his icon, wall paper, and style of appearance. He likes to create accounts and give them all passwords, and likes to change his mouse pointer. Once again though, after he would finish on the computer, he would stand on it, carry it around and accidentally drop it. He began to pull keys off of it, and with his OCD, once he started, he couldn’t stop, eventually all the keys were gone, and I had to attached a USB keyboard for him. He eventually ripped the whole keypad off, and you could see right to the motherboard. The chassis was cracked in several places, and one day while standing on it the screen broke. He completely freaked out over this one, I couldn’t even bring the laptop out to work on, without him freaking out all over again. These are the type of breakdowns that I just don’t understand. I was raised to appreciate what I have, and make it last as long as humanly possible, and I think Zane is beginning to understand that concept as well. Holden continues to have these breakdowns in logic, where he abuses the toys he loves the most, and then gets really upset when they fail him. He still asks to listen to the Rudolph music, even though I tell him it’s to scratched. He puts it is, and nothing will read it anymore, then he says “Too scratched” and gives it back to me.
A few days ago Holden put a dryer fabric softener sheet in the toaster oven, and lit the toaster oven on fire. He got really upset, and was yelling fire the whole time I was trying to put it out. He was crying, and very agitated, even after I took it outside and put it out. I couldn’t even try and clean it out and see if it still worked for a few hours, because Holden would get upset every time I went near it. Yet when I did clean it, and it did work again, he tried to do it again. I now keep it unplugged. I don’t know if Holden really grasps the concept of repercussions. He got a hold of a razor blade once and tried to shave his legs, and ended up cutting himself. I could tell it hurt him, and continued to hurt for a few days, yet he tried to do it again at the next chance he got.
Obviously this is an extremely dangerous aspect of Holden’s condition. It means he will play with knives, run in the street, burn himself, and potentially never learn not to do it again, when something bad happens. Everything is so situational for him, so if you change one parameter, it is a different situation. I may someday get him not to run in the street at my house, but if we go a few houses down, it’s a whole new situation for him, and he will run in the street again. These are the breakdowns in logic that I just don’t know how to solve.
As with all things involving Holden these breakdowns present themselves in unique ways. Holden loves music. He loves to sing it, he loves to listen to it, he loves to be around it. One time he asked me to put on a particular DVD for him, is was the Baby Beethoven DVDs. He said the DVD by name, but when I put it on he got upset. He began to say “5” over and “music” over and over again. The DVD came with a music CD as well, so I took out the movie and put in the CD. He became happy, but continued to say “5”. I was totally perplexed, until he started singing Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” the fourth movement of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. So I advanced the CD to the 5th track, and sure enough, it was the “Ode to Joy”. He knew exactly what he wanted to listen too. There have been particular CDs that he absolutely loves. One such CD was the music to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer that came with a Christmas collection DVD. He would listen to this all the time, skipping some tracks, and replaying others. Here is where the Breakdown comes in though, after he was done listening, he would take the CD out and start playing with it. Over time it got so scratched it wouldn’t play anymore. He would get very upset, and I used it as an example of what happens when a CD gets scratched. He understands the concept now, because when a movie or CD skips, he immediately says scratched. Yet to this day, he still abuses CDs and DVDs if I let him. In fact, he sometimes gets so upset when they get scratched, that I have taken great care to never let him watch his favorite movies on his portable DVD player, because he always ends up taking them out, and not putting them back in the cases. In all honesty, through my constant nagging, he has gotten better at putting them away, but certainly he does not always do it.
Another example of this was his laptop. I had this old Dell laptop. Now there is a lot I can say about Dell that would be negative, don’t even get me started about their tech support, but I have to say that laptop took a beating, before it finally died. Holden loved that laptop, he loves to surf the net, play youtube videos, and draw on the computer. He loves to change settings, changing his icon, wall paper, and style of appearance. He likes to create accounts and give them all passwords, and likes to change his mouse pointer. Once again though, after he would finish on the computer, he would stand on it, carry it around and accidentally drop it. He began to pull keys off of it, and with his OCD, once he started, he couldn’t stop, eventually all the keys were gone, and I had to attached a USB keyboard for him. He eventually ripped the whole keypad off, and you could see right to the motherboard. The chassis was cracked in several places, and one day while standing on it the screen broke. He completely freaked out over this one, I couldn’t even bring the laptop out to work on, without him freaking out all over again. These are the type of breakdowns that I just don’t understand. I was raised to appreciate what I have, and make it last as long as humanly possible, and I think Zane is beginning to understand that concept as well. Holden continues to have these breakdowns in logic, where he abuses the toys he loves the most, and then gets really upset when they fail him. He still asks to listen to the Rudolph music, even though I tell him it’s to scratched. He puts it is, and nothing will read it anymore, then he says “Too scratched” and gives it back to me.
A few days ago Holden put a dryer fabric softener sheet in the toaster oven, and lit the toaster oven on fire. He got really upset, and was yelling fire the whole time I was trying to put it out. He was crying, and very agitated, even after I took it outside and put it out. I couldn’t even try and clean it out and see if it still worked for a few hours, because Holden would get upset every time I went near it. Yet when I did clean it, and it did work again, he tried to do it again. I now keep it unplugged. I don’t know if Holden really grasps the concept of repercussions. He got a hold of a razor blade once and tried to shave his legs, and ended up cutting himself. I could tell it hurt him, and continued to hurt for a few days, yet he tried to do it again at the next chance he got.
Obviously this is an extremely dangerous aspect of Holden’s condition. It means he will play with knives, run in the street, burn himself, and potentially never learn not to do it again, when something bad happens. Everything is so situational for him, so if you change one parameter, it is a different situation. I may someday get him not to run in the street at my house, but if we go a few houses down, it’s a whole new situation for him, and he will run in the street again. These are the breakdowns in logic that I just don’t know how to solve.
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