"I Love You"

There is an ancient proverb, dating back to the Liao Dynasty that is roughly translated like this: “The probability that someone is watching you, is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.”  Okay, well maybe it doesn’t date back that far, more like the bumper sticker era of the 80’s.  None the less, it would seem to have some merit to it.  Nobody is ever around when you pull off a really graceful whatever, but slip and fall in a pool, and it happens during a party where fifty of your closest friends happen to be in attendance.  The digital age has certainly exacerbated the situation, now there are also ten people catching it on video, and it makes You Tube, with links from Facebook, twitter, and whatever else, before we are even home from the party.  I wouldn’t be surprised if short videos have become more popular than television shows, they suit the low attention span of modern time.

It just so happens that one of Holden’s many obsessions is making videos of anything and everything, and posting them on You Tube.  Holden happens to be of the John Cage philosophy when it comes to his videos.  He is happy to have any background noise going on, it just adds to the experience.  Even if it’s something private or personal.  Nothing like having a “private” discussion with his mother about conflicts in parenting, only to find out five minutes later that Holden was filming something in the same room, and our entire discussion is now playing back, while he watches his video that he has already uploaded to You Tube.  Like the not so ancient proverb mentioned above so eloquently states, it seems to never be at the most opportune time.  At first I really didn’t think too much of it, because You Tube has millions of viewers, viewing an uncountable number of videos, and the chance of finding unpromoted videos seemed pretty low.  Then Holden started getting subscribers?!?!?!?!?  I couldn’t believe it.  So I started looking into it more.  Holden has a knack for naming his videos things that have a lot of appeal.  He will call them things like “PBS Kids Logo Mix”.  Even if the video is only of a brief video of PBS logos for about 2 seconds, while Holden sings his own background music, and then pulls the camera away from the logo and films his feet walking across the room.  Still, he gets hits, views, and even subscribers.  If you search You Tube, you soon find that there are a lot of autistic kids posting videos of the same nature.  Holden finds them all the time, and watches them over and over again.  It’s like some secret society, and they are communicating in code.  Having viewed some of these videos, it is clear that a lot of these cinematographers also don’t mind the realism of families living their everyday lives in the background.  My heart immediately goes out to the background voices, as I wonder if they know their conversations are now part of the digital universe to be perused by whomever is inclined to watch videos of the autistic underground network.  Being totally paranoid and believing in conspiracies far and wide, I have tried to decipher the videos of the AUN (autistic underground network, remember, I just said it, keep up please) with little or no success.  The best I can tell, they are forming a plot to take over the government, and install Barney the Purple Dragon (or is he a dinosaur?) as our leader.  In all seriousness though, paranoid or not, I tend to look and see what Holden is doing on his iPad now, before having any serious conversations about anything, with anybody.  It has almost become second nature.  First you begin to express something, then you stop abruptly, look for Holden, check what he is up to, then continue on.  It reminds me of the Bertolt Brecht playlet “The Spy” where two parents argue with each other, then become extremely paranoid when their son is missing, thinking he has turned them in to the SS, only to find out he went down the street for some sweets, yet they remain suspicious of him anyway.  “The Man” is always watching in my home, only he is a nine year old autistic child.

So, if you want to come hangout sometime, please don’t hesitate to stop by.  Have something, or someone, you one to vent about? If you know me, you know I am a great listener, just make sure Holden isn’t innocently singing to himself while playing a “game” on the iPad.  It could be you are under observation by the AUN.

(I now have to write “Walt Disney Home Video Logo Collection, Warner Bros Logo Collection” because Holden is in the room while I finish this, and insists that the piece will not be complete without that in it somewhere. I think it is another code word for the AUN!)