Holden has been doing absolutely awesome on his pronouns. The only time he seems to get them wrong now, is when it is something he has said for a long time. Such as “I want push you please”. Holden loves to swing on the swing, and he loves it when I push him. Yesterday I went to correct him, and say “I want push ME please.” but I stopped myself. As a parent in general, our goal is to get our children as prepared for the real world as possible, while sheltering them from it at the same time. It is a tricky balancing act at any age, for lots of situations. When is the right time to shelter, and the right time to educate on subjects like: drugs, sex, crime, violence, etc. It becomes quite a challenge. Is it better to hear it from their loving parents? Or from teachers? The news? Internet? Other kids at school? What ever our belief, it poses a problem. In Zane’s case, I encourage him to seek knowledge on his own, via books and the Internet. He watches me search things for him, when I don’t know the answer, all the time. With Holden, it is so much more complicated. There are social norms that he may never understand, and that I myself don’t honestly know why it has to be the way it is. It’s hard enough telling Zane that he shouldn’t point something out, that he is completely correct about, because to do so is considered impolite, but Holden is a completely different story. Why should Holden have to laugh at something he doesn’t consider funny, just to fit in. Is that preparing him to be independent, or is it teaching him to be like everyone else?
So here I was, having my beautiful autistic son yelling “Daddy, I want push you please!” and my first thought was to correct his pronoun. There are so many things that we as parents of autistic children need to try to instill in our children. Silly social things like keeping our clothes on in public. Frankly, we might be a lot less uptight as a nation if we all went around naked all the time, but currently there are laws against that, so I feel the need to teach my son to remain clothed all day. Because of his disability, this means making sure he always keeps his clothes on, because he doesn’t always grasp situational instances. Autistic kids often have heightened senses, and clothes can feel uncomfortable to them. I spent a long time trying to get him to just address me. It would be something like this:
Holden opens the refrigerator.
“What do you want Holden? Use your words.”
“Juice”
“How do we ask for juice?”
“I want juice please”
“Very good, can you say Daddy, I want juice please”
“Daddy, I want juice please.” To which I happily get him his juice, and a place mat, a napkin, and make sure he is sitting on his butt while he drinks said drink. I clean once a week, but Holden requires constant spot mopping.
So here I am, pushing him on the swing. Which, by the way, he can be content with for so long, that I am falling asleep on my feet pushing him. I know that I need to prepare him for life after I am gone. I know that I need to do my best to make him self sufficient and be socially acceptable. I also know that we work hard, all the time with him. I once told a teacher that it was hard to always force Holden to use his words, because at the time he would start asking for his mother, who at the time had him half the time, and wouldn’t push the language as much. I expressed to the teacher that I didn’t want my son to hate me, or even prefer his mother over me, because I force him to speak. Her response was, all kids hate their parents eventually, do what is best for him. I completely understand this logic, there are times when we have to do things that our children are not going to like, because it is what is best for them. I just think there has to be a limit to it. I can’t help but feel that today, I am not going to correct his pronoun. It just so happens that I LOVE it when he say “I want push you please”.
So here I was, having my beautiful autistic son yelling “Daddy, I want push you please!” and my first thought was to correct his pronoun. There are so many things that we as parents of autistic children need to try to instill in our children. Silly social things like keeping our clothes on in public. Frankly, we might be a lot less uptight as a nation if we all went around naked all the time, but currently there are laws against that, so I feel the need to teach my son to remain clothed all day. Because of his disability, this means making sure he always keeps his clothes on, because he doesn’t always grasp situational instances. Autistic kids often have heightened senses, and clothes can feel uncomfortable to them. I spent a long time trying to get him to just address me. It would be something like this:
Holden opens the refrigerator.
“What do you want Holden? Use your words.”
“Juice”
“How do we ask for juice?”
“I want juice please”
“Very good, can you say Daddy, I want juice please”
“Daddy, I want juice please.” To which I happily get him his juice, and a place mat, a napkin, and make sure he is sitting on his butt while he drinks said drink. I clean once a week, but Holden requires constant spot mopping.
So here I am, pushing him on the swing. Which, by the way, he can be content with for so long, that I am falling asleep on my feet pushing him. I know that I need to prepare him for life after I am gone. I know that I need to do my best to make him self sufficient and be socially acceptable. I also know that we work hard, all the time with him. I once told a teacher that it was hard to always force Holden to use his words, because at the time he would start asking for his mother, who at the time had him half the time, and wouldn’t push the language as much. I expressed to the teacher that I didn’t want my son to hate me, or even prefer his mother over me, because I force him to speak. Her response was, all kids hate their parents eventually, do what is best for him. I completely understand this logic, there are times when we have to do things that our children are not going to like, because it is what is best for them. I just think there has to be a limit to it. I can’t help but feel that today, I am not going to correct his pronoun. It just so happens that I LOVE it when he say “I want push you please”.
No comments:
Post a Comment