Survival of the fittest has long been a misunderstood element of Darwin’s theory of Natural Selection. For a lot of people, survival of the fittest brings up visions of a bunch of super model looking women, and jock type guys, on treadmills in the local gym. In reality what Darwin’s theory was stating, was that those that best fit in their environment, would be the ones to thrive and prosper. Keeping in mind that that environment could shift at anytime, leading to a change in the natural selection. The Peppered Moth being the quintessential example of this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peppered_moth_evolution. However, in the world of humanity, social Darwinism has, if not replaced, certainly changed the evolution of the human race. This time the image of all the people on the treadmills is accurate. Beauty is determined by the media, that uses make-up, touch-ups, and other tricks to create a beauty that doesn’t even naturally exist. Add in “corrective” and plastic surgery, and you get an imagine of beauty that is completely manufactured. I could discuss at great length, what I think of this new evolution of the human race, to homosapien synthetic, but that would be a greater tangent then I intended for this blog. At this point, it is the concept of social Darwinism that I want my faithful readers to have in the forefront of their minds.
One of the most difficult aspects of parenting a child on the spectrum, is trying to be objective, especially when dealing with the school. Going over Holden’s triennial assessments in a room full of specialists, and hearing them refer to Holden’s sever communication deficits, his impairing handicap of A.D.H.D. and his need for a behaviour plan, it is hard not to yell out that he is absolutely perfect just the way he is. That would be counter productive, as my job as a parent and advocate for Holden, is to get him the services he needs to help him improve. So we have to swallow back our parental pride in our wonderful children, that are truly perfect, and express those same deficits, and handicapping behaviours. It’s even worse when we go back and read the very straight forward minutes from such meeting, where we read things like: Father expresses observation of same deficits and behaviours at home. As I am reading the report, I can’t help but think what a jerk that father is. At the same time, I know that father, me, is trying to put aside his monumental love for a child that is absolutely beautiful, intelligent and perfect just the way he is, for the sake of helping him fit into a society that doesn’t happen to fit him.
In many ways, as I have previously expressed, Holden’s disability has made him more human, than many of his un-handicapped fellow human beings. I find it hard to want to be a part of a society that finds humour in the pain and suffering of others, as exemplified in the popularity of the “Jackass” series of movies. As a society we find the subject of “Roasting” Charlie Sheen, to be worthy of discussion for several days, mean while our schools are working with budgets so stretched, that a fly landing on it would snap it, yet that has become the status quo. We are a society that promotes escapism through happy hour drink specials, reality TV, and a $.99 menu. Like the ancient Roman times, we are all under the trance of bread and circus, while our society spins off axis into a different realm. I could go on, and on, and on, but I think we all get the picture.
So now I am trying to help give Holden the tools to “fit” into this society, that he so unfortunately does not fit in, and a part of me thinks I am doing him a great injustice. Of course we all have to function within the parameters of the society we live in. If we are some of the lucky few, we find a niche that we fit in really well, and can be ourselves with those around us. The difference though, between Holden and Zane, is that I can express to Zane that he needs to decide whether he wants to live in the society as a member of it, participating in it’s ever flowing insanity, or live on the fringe of it, as an outsider that works within the system. Where as with Holden, I am actively trying to help him fit into the very society that I prefer to live on the fringes of. I would never tell Zane what to do with his life, but if he asked me, I would certainly promote living on the fringe. Yet here I am, trying to help Holden fit into his society. In reality, Holden may have no choice but to live on the fringe, and work within the norms of a society that he doesn’t completely understand. In fact that is what we are really working towards for him, and anything that happens beyond that is icing on the cake.
Perhaps someday social Darwinism will make a big shift again, and like the Peppered Moth, it will go from one extreme to another, and back again. Perhaps as we push for a cleaner planet through conservation, we can work on a little moral conservation as well. Find beauty in the attributes of a person, beyond physical beauty, but in integrity, intelligence, empathy, and compassion. perhaps our moral conservation can teach the importance of emotional intelligence and maturity, while living in reality, and in the present. In that society, Holden already fits much better.
One of the most difficult aspects of parenting a child on the spectrum, is trying to be objective, especially when dealing with the school. Going over Holden’s triennial assessments in a room full of specialists, and hearing them refer to Holden’s sever communication deficits, his impairing handicap of A.D.H.D. and his need for a behaviour plan, it is hard not to yell out that he is absolutely perfect just the way he is. That would be counter productive, as my job as a parent and advocate for Holden, is to get him the services he needs to help him improve. So we have to swallow back our parental pride in our wonderful children, that are truly perfect, and express those same deficits, and handicapping behaviours. It’s even worse when we go back and read the very straight forward minutes from such meeting, where we read things like: Father expresses observation of same deficits and behaviours at home. As I am reading the report, I can’t help but think what a jerk that father is. At the same time, I know that father, me, is trying to put aside his monumental love for a child that is absolutely beautiful, intelligent and perfect just the way he is, for the sake of helping him fit into a society that doesn’t happen to fit him.
In many ways, as I have previously expressed, Holden’s disability has made him more human, than many of his un-handicapped fellow human beings. I find it hard to want to be a part of a society that finds humour in the pain and suffering of others, as exemplified in the popularity of the “Jackass” series of movies. As a society we find the subject of “Roasting” Charlie Sheen, to be worthy of discussion for several days, mean while our schools are working with budgets so stretched, that a fly landing on it would snap it, yet that has become the status quo. We are a society that promotes escapism through happy hour drink specials, reality TV, and a $.99 menu. Like the ancient Roman times, we are all under the trance of bread and circus, while our society spins off axis into a different realm. I could go on, and on, and on, but I think we all get the picture.
So now I am trying to help give Holden the tools to “fit” into this society, that he so unfortunately does not fit in, and a part of me thinks I am doing him a great injustice. Of course we all have to function within the parameters of the society we live in. If we are some of the lucky few, we find a niche that we fit in really well, and can be ourselves with those around us. The difference though, between Holden and Zane, is that I can express to Zane that he needs to decide whether he wants to live in the society as a member of it, participating in it’s ever flowing insanity, or live on the fringe of it, as an outsider that works within the system. Where as with Holden, I am actively trying to help him fit into the very society that I prefer to live on the fringes of. I would never tell Zane what to do with his life, but if he asked me, I would certainly promote living on the fringe. Yet here I am, trying to help Holden fit into his society. In reality, Holden may have no choice but to live on the fringe, and work within the norms of a society that he doesn’t completely understand. In fact that is what we are really working towards for him, and anything that happens beyond that is icing on the cake.
Perhaps someday social Darwinism will make a big shift again, and like the Peppered Moth, it will go from one extreme to another, and back again. Perhaps as we push for a cleaner planet through conservation, we can work on a little moral conservation as well. Find beauty in the attributes of a person, beyond physical beauty, but in integrity, intelligence, empathy, and compassion. perhaps our moral conservation can teach the importance of emotional intelligence and maturity, while living in reality, and in the present. In that society, Holden already fits much better.
(I have to explain the bottom picture. Zane loves to read under a desk, in his little dark corner. It scares me how much he reminds me of myself.)
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