One of the things that people ask me a lot, is where do you see Holden in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years. I honestly can’t even see where I will be in 10, 15, 20 years, assuming I am still around. Both of the boys are very attached to me. For Holden I am the consistency that he craves so much, and finds comfort in. For Zane I am his foundation that grounds him, the person that will always love him, and always put his needs before my own. In a way it amounts to the same thing, but Zane is much more keenly aware of everything that goes on around him socially then Holden is. He has a much more profound grasp of money, responsibility, consequences, and the way things work, then Holden does. It is my assumption, like all maturing kids, they will become less attached to me over time. I’m not going to put an emotional value on that in terms of myself, but in terms of them I think this is a big and important step. Lets face it I won’t be here forever. So where do I see them . . .
In some respects Holden has progressed so well. From the moment we got him in a special preschool two years ago, to today, he has made such great progress. That’s not to say that it hasn’t been very frustrating at times as well. As I stated in the post about Holden’s milestone of not wetting the bed, it came with a new issue to overcome (which I am happy to report is going quite well). So as behaviours have gone away, new ones have appeared. Progress in life has always come at a cost. Certainly we could have long political, religious and philosophical discussions on that topic. We all know the pain of innocents lost in our own lives. The first time we experience heart break, loss of life, and failures are all very traumatic times in our lives. All the social games we have to start playing from the moment we enter school to either fit in, or be an outcast. The constant battle to break down stereo types that begin almost at birth. Holden’s diagnosis itself came with a price tag, that price was a label. There is no question that more damage would have occurred had we tried to mainstream him, but it was certainly a choice we made for him, that will have repercussions for life. That is something I take very seriously. Zane’s doctor tried to label Zane as ADD or perhaps ADHD. I seriously questioned that at the time, and felt it was to early to tell. There is no question that Zane is NOT either of those things now. Sometimes I feel with each new service we get for Holden, we are further cementing his status as developmentally disable, but at the same time these services are what may help him be mainstreamed in the future. Now I find myself back where I started, the future.
I think I have committed journalistic suicide with this topic. Maybe I should come up with a new name, like “blogger’s euthanasia”. The truth is, it seems to depend on the day. There are days where I can totally see Holden in high school classes, keeping up perfectly fine, and maybe having a special aid that helps him with certain ideas that are hard for him to understand, outside the class. Then there are days where I can’t imagine him ever getting out of a special day classes. These days are very hard to deal with. I feel guilty for feeling that way, and I feel sad that I might be right. We all want what is best for our children, and none of us can guarantee anything. With Holden there are just so many more variables to consider. Even Zane, who is progressing so well, and doing so well, you just don’t know. I see him in five years, enjoying life, doing great, thinking about what colleges he wants to attend after high school. Probably somewhere as far away from his father as he can pull off. The truth is, nobody knows anything for sure.
If I were to use a model based off my own childhood, and Zane’s early elementary school development, I would say Holden is entering the time in his life where there are going to be leaps and bounds in his development. Nobody would have guessed that the Jonas that stated kindergarten in 1975 at Fairview School in Goleta, would become the Jonas that attended Jr. High at Goleta Valley Jr. High, or the Jonas that graduated from Dos Pueblos High school. Certainly not the Jonas that graduated from San Francisco State University. I think there are parents of kids who were in Zane’s Preschool class that were sure he was a future ax murderer, now he is a G.A.T.E. student in 5th grade. I don’t know where Holden will be in 5, 10, 15 years, but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he has developed beyond any of our expectations. I am going to be as realistic as I can every single day, and do what has to be done to help him along as best I can, but I hope he completely exceeds everyone’s expectations!
In some respects Holden has progressed so well. From the moment we got him in a special preschool two years ago, to today, he has made such great progress. That’s not to say that it hasn’t been very frustrating at times as well. As I stated in the post about Holden’s milestone of not wetting the bed, it came with a new issue to overcome (which I am happy to report is going quite well). So as behaviours have gone away, new ones have appeared. Progress in life has always come at a cost. Certainly we could have long political, religious and philosophical discussions on that topic. We all know the pain of innocents lost in our own lives. The first time we experience heart break, loss of life, and failures are all very traumatic times in our lives. All the social games we have to start playing from the moment we enter school to either fit in, or be an outcast. The constant battle to break down stereo types that begin almost at birth. Holden’s diagnosis itself came with a price tag, that price was a label. There is no question that more damage would have occurred had we tried to mainstream him, but it was certainly a choice we made for him, that will have repercussions for life. That is something I take very seriously. Zane’s doctor tried to label Zane as ADD or perhaps ADHD. I seriously questioned that at the time, and felt it was to early to tell. There is no question that Zane is NOT either of those things now. Sometimes I feel with each new service we get for Holden, we are further cementing his status as developmentally disable, but at the same time these services are what may help him be mainstreamed in the future. Now I find myself back where I started, the future.
I think I have committed journalistic suicide with this topic. Maybe I should come up with a new name, like “blogger’s euthanasia”. The truth is, it seems to depend on the day. There are days where I can totally see Holden in high school classes, keeping up perfectly fine, and maybe having a special aid that helps him with certain ideas that are hard for him to understand, outside the class. Then there are days where I can’t imagine him ever getting out of a special day classes. These days are very hard to deal with. I feel guilty for feeling that way, and I feel sad that I might be right. We all want what is best for our children, and none of us can guarantee anything. With Holden there are just so many more variables to consider. Even Zane, who is progressing so well, and doing so well, you just don’t know. I see him in five years, enjoying life, doing great, thinking about what colleges he wants to attend after high school. Probably somewhere as far away from his father as he can pull off. The truth is, nobody knows anything for sure.
If I were to use a model based off my own childhood, and Zane’s early elementary school development, I would say Holden is entering the time in his life where there are going to be leaps and bounds in his development. Nobody would have guessed that the Jonas that stated kindergarten in 1975 at Fairview School in Goleta, would become the Jonas that attended Jr. High at Goleta Valley Jr. High, or the Jonas that graduated from Dos Pueblos High school. Certainly not the Jonas that graduated from San Francisco State University. I think there are parents of kids who were in Zane’s Preschool class that were sure he was a future ax murderer, now he is a G.A.T.E. student in 5th grade. I don’t know where Holden will be in 5, 10, 15 years, but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he has developed beyond any of our expectations. I am going to be as realistic as I can every single day, and do what has to be done to help him along as best I can, but I hope he completely exceeds everyone’s expectations!
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