Priscilla Gilman wrote an amazing and creative reflection on the differences and similarities between her two boys http://www.huffingtonpost.com/priscilla-gilman/ernie-and-berts-mother_b_914541.html , where she compares her two boys to Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street. For the most part, her children are polar opposites of each other. In fact, as you read the article, it turns out that they have two different syndromes that truly are polar opposites of each other. Certainly as parents, or siblings, of two or more children, we have all seen these potential difference for ourselves. As I have stated on this blog, my brothers are very different from each other and myself, from style, to taste, to ideology. Certainly there are similarities between my brothers and I as well, but I think they are fewer then the differences, especially in terms of myself. I have always wondered why there is not more research on mono-zygotic twins, who are genetically identical, to find out what things are truly in our genes, and which things are learned behaviours. I have known quite a few twins and some of them are very different from each other, even in appearance, despite sharing all the same genetic information.
Holden and Zane are very different from each other in many ways. From the moment Holden wakes up in the morning, to right before he goes to sleep, Holden is always smiling. I would say that Holden has more smiles, then any other facial expression. That is to say, that Holden has way more different smiling faces, then he does say angry faces. Holden smiles so much, and for so many different reasons, that it would take someone who doesn’t know him, a long time to recognize all the different smiles. Quite often the smile I find on him first thing in the morning is a very mischievous smile. Almost like he is thinking, “alright, a new day, what havoc can I cause the world today!” where as the smile he wears before he goes to sleep at night is more like, “This was a great day, and I am so at peace with everything.” I could probably dedicate a whole blog just to Holden’s smiles, and who knows, someday, I just might.
Zane on the other hand, can be very moody. He may wake up happy, but almost anything can set him off. I was waking him up for school every morning, and he would immediately ask me why I was waking him up so early, in a very annoyed voice. I would tell him it was a school day, and he had to get up, take his shower and get ready for school. To which he would start telling me that who ever had come up with school, “invented it”, and the amount of days, and when it takes place, should be tracked down and told a thing or two. I would try to explain that, first of all, there is not one person responsible for the way school is, and that school is one of those things that pretty much everyone has to do. He wouldn’t like this answer, and move on to his next argument about it. His mother bought him a phone for Christmas, and thankfully he has taken to setting his own alarm, and much more happily gets up and takes his shower now. The potential for his mood to change in either direction though is always there. It sometimes seems very ironic to me that the autistic child with ADHD is much more emotionally consistent than the nuero-typical one. Zane gets defensive quickly, gets very mad if he thinks you are laughing at him, and can swing moods so fast, that you are left wondering what just happened. Holden just cruises a long in life, happy and content, granted his pace is fast and furious, but less affected by people in the way Zane is.
Unlike most big brothers, Zane quite often does not lead the play activity. Holden’s tendency to do things his own way, has made him a little brother who is very independent, and doesn’t need his big brother to entertain himself. In this way, Zane is more needy of people around him to be a part of his entertainment, where Holden is very happy by himself, or just having me in the same room as himself. Quite often it is Zane who tries to engage Holden in play, requiring a playmate. Also, Holden may grab a toy of Zane’s that Zane hasn’t been interested in for years, but as soon as Holden shows interest in it, Zane suddenly has a renewed interest in it. He will claim he never lost interest in the toy, but his actions of the past year have been complete apathy for that toy. I was the little brother that followed his brothers around everywhere, and wanted to be like them. I would stand up for them, sometimes to the point of creating problems. So to me it is quite interesting to see Holden often be the leader in their play. If Holden doesn’t want to play, there is no engaging him. As is always the case with brothers, when Holden does engage Zane, Zane usually doesn’t want to play with him. Holden often wants to give his big brother a kiss, and Zane doesn’t like that either. They are both very affectionate children though.
Also, Holden has always been more physically coordinated and better at climbing fences, trees, and the like. Holden walked at a younger age then Zane did, and is much more physically stronger than his big brother. This is odd anyway, but when you consider autistic kids usually have bad balance and coordination, this is really odd. Holden loves to go on hikes, and when set to is own devises, will run up and down trails. Zane often gets tired quick, and if it is sunny, he will complain if there is no shade for him. Once again, he thinks it is bad “design” if the trail doesn’t have any shade. Ironically Zane has always been much more healthy than Holden. Zane went a whole school year without missing a single day of school, where Holden seems to always be fighting a cold. Colds and flu viruses also seem to last much longer in Holden than in Zane.
The one thing that they have always both loved is music. They both love to listen to it, play it, watch live concert videos, and sing. We always have music going, either in the car, or the house. It is always fun to hear Holden sing, he may get a lot of the words wrong, but that is part of the charm of it all! It seems that one of us is always singing something, and pretty soon the other two are joining in with the same song. Right now Holden is stuck on “Shot through the Heart” by Bon Jovi, having heard it on Lego Rock Band.
Holden and Zane are very different from each other in many ways. From the moment Holden wakes up in the morning, to right before he goes to sleep, Holden is always smiling. I would say that Holden has more smiles, then any other facial expression. That is to say, that Holden has way more different smiling faces, then he does say angry faces. Holden smiles so much, and for so many different reasons, that it would take someone who doesn’t know him, a long time to recognize all the different smiles. Quite often the smile I find on him first thing in the morning is a very mischievous smile. Almost like he is thinking, “alright, a new day, what havoc can I cause the world today!” where as the smile he wears before he goes to sleep at night is more like, “This was a great day, and I am so at peace with everything.” I could probably dedicate a whole blog just to Holden’s smiles, and who knows, someday, I just might.
Zane on the other hand, can be very moody. He may wake up happy, but almost anything can set him off. I was waking him up for school every morning, and he would immediately ask me why I was waking him up so early, in a very annoyed voice. I would tell him it was a school day, and he had to get up, take his shower and get ready for school. To which he would start telling me that who ever had come up with school, “invented it”, and the amount of days, and when it takes place, should be tracked down and told a thing or two. I would try to explain that, first of all, there is not one person responsible for the way school is, and that school is one of those things that pretty much everyone has to do. He wouldn’t like this answer, and move on to his next argument about it. His mother bought him a phone for Christmas, and thankfully he has taken to setting his own alarm, and much more happily gets up and takes his shower now. The potential for his mood to change in either direction though is always there. It sometimes seems very ironic to me that the autistic child with ADHD is much more emotionally consistent than the nuero-typical one. Zane gets defensive quickly, gets very mad if he thinks you are laughing at him, and can swing moods so fast, that you are left wondering what just happened. Holden just cruises a long in life, happy and content, granted his pace is fast and furious, but less affected by people in the way Zane is.
Unlike most big brothers, Zane quite often does not lead the play activity. Holden’s tendency to do things his own way, has made him a little brother who is very independent, and doesn’t need his big brother to entertain himself. In this way, Zane is more needy of people around him to be a part of his entertainment, where Holden is very happy by himself, or just having me in the same room as himself. Quite often it is Zane who tries to engage Holden in play, requiring a playmate. Also, Holden may grab a toy of Zane’s that Zane hasn’t been interested in for years, but as soon as Holden shows interest in it, Zane suddenly has a renewed interest in it. He will claim he never lost interest in the toy, but his actions of the past year have been complete apathy for that toy. I was the little brother that followed his brothers around everywhere, and wanted to be like them. I would stand up for them, sometimes to the point of creating problems. So to me it is quite interesting to see Holden often be the leader in their play. If Holden doesn’t want to play, there is no engaging him. As is always the case with brothers, when Holden does engage Zane, Zane usually doesn’t want to play with him. Holden often wants to give his big brother a kiss, and Zane doesn’t like that either. They are both very affectionate children though.
Also, Holden has always been more physically coordinated and better at climbing fences, trees, and the like. Holden walked at a younger age then Zane did, and is much more physically stronger than his big brother. This is odd anyway, but when you consider autistic kids usually have bad balance and coordination, this is really odd. Holden loves to go on hikes, and when set to is own devises, will run up and down trails. Zane often gets tired quick, and if it is sunny, he will complain if there is no shade for him. Once again, he thinks it is bad “design” if the trail doesn’t have any shade. Ironically Zane has always been much more healthy than Holden. Zane went a whole school year without missing a single day of school, where Holden seems to always be fighting a cold. Colds and flu viruses also seem to last much longer in Holden than in Zane.
The one thing that they have always both loved is music. They both love to listen to it, play it, watch live concert videos, and sing. We always have music going, either in the car, or the house. It is always fun to hear Holden sing, he may get a lot of the words wrong, but that is part of the charm of it all! It seems that one of us is always singing something, and pretty soon the other two are joining in with the same song. Right now Holden is stuck on “Shot through the Heart” by Bon Jovi, having heard it on Lego Rock Band.
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