Where the hell are we? Holden?

Holden has always had the ability to blow my mind.  There are times when he does things, so incredibly normal, that I almost burst into tears.  They can be the simplest of things, like waking up in the middle of the night and calling for me. “Daddy?” how many times has Zane done that, and with a word, fall back to sleep immediately.  That is very typical for Zane, but Holden usually wakes up for hours at a time, when he wakes in the middle of the night. Once in a while, it is that soft “Daddy?” and I say “go back to sleep buddy” and he does.  Those are such great moments!

Then there are those moments that he knocks the socks off of everyone.  Holden is quite simply amazing on the computer.  Even Zane, who is the most competitive person I know, openly admits that Holden is way better on the computer then he is.  I had created password protected accounts for Zane and I, so that Holden wouldn’t mess with our stuff on the computer.  Well Holden liked the fact that I had created different Icons for us both, and that they were password protected.  So he asked me to create a password protected account for him.  I went into the accounts manager in the control panel, and I said, “Okay, Holden, I’m going to make your password ‘google’.”  I typed in google, and thank goodness I also typed in the password on the hint line.  I then asked him which icon he would like, he picked it.  I logged out, and had him log back in, he did it no problem, and that was that.  I didn’t explain anything I did, I just did it.  Later that day, he was on the computer in his brothers room, and he had created a pass word for his account, made it ‘google’ as well and picked the same icon.  All he had to do was see me do it once, and he had it down.  Now he not only goes in and creates accounts, with passwords and icons, but he goes into Zane and my accounts and changes the icons and passwords to suit him.  As I said, luckily, I put the password in the hint, because Holden always does that too.  Just yesterday I decided to write the “Seabiscut” post on the laptop outside.  I go to log in, and my password doesn’t work, so I click on the hint, and Holden has made the pass word ‘holden’.  He loves to create accounts with unique icons and names now.  He will always make one for himself, one for “Daddy” often one for “mom”, and then all kinds of things like “dell” “Hermie” (from Rudolph the red nose rain deer) and all kinds of other things. He kept using the number 710419, as both passwords and account names.  For the longest time I couldn’t figure out what the hell was the significance of this number.  Then one day I decided to pay for Holden’s lunch money on line, instead of with cash.  The school had provided me with an envelope with all of Holden’s information.  So I started to fill out the online application, and it asked for Holden’s lunch number, sure enough, his lunch number was 710419.  I have no idea how he knew that, or why he knew that, but he knew it.

Then one day, I decide to show Holden Google maps.  I pulled up our house, and showed him “Daddy’s house” and directed the map in street view up our street.  He then asks for 7-11, where we often get slurpees on Sundays.  So I bring up 7-11.  Next he asks me for LLL Reptile another of our frequent stops.  At this point Zane calls me, and I go help him with something.  I come back to check on Holden, and he says “Albertsons” and I go, “Okay buddy you want Albertsons” and I look down on the screen, and he has directed himself to Alberstons on his own.  As I watch him, he then directs the street view back to 7-11 and goes back to LLL Reptile, naming each place as he goes.  Holden now regularly gets on Google maps and virtually drives around town.  Sometimes he pics random places in the country and drives around.  He has a great memory for places, we can drive by the Little Ceasars that we sometimes get pizzas from, and he will start asking for pizza.  Sometimes after we have been driving around, I’ll head for home, and as soon as I turn down our street, he’ll say “No!”, and I'll ask  “You want to drive around more” and he will say “Yes”. They describe autistic people as being “In their own world.”  Well I have news for everyone, Holden is very much in THIS world.

Seabiscuit to the rescue

Quite often when we are out and about, Holden will choose to ride on my shoulders.  It is not unusual to see us walking around our neighborhood, hiking all around San Diego county, walking along the beach in Solana Beach, or shopping at Frys, Albertson’s, or even the Carlsbad outlet mall with Holden riding up there..  We get some pretty odd looks, and lots of comments when we hike this way.  Here I am trekking up a mountain with a 60 lb six year old on my shoulders.  I have even had hikers ask if they can have a ride. This actually has some advantages for me.  For one thing he is controlled, he can certainly climb down on his own, but I know when he is doing that.  It also keeps his hands out of reach of things, as he will get very grabby when we are in stores.  (Actually, once Holden and I were waiting for his bus in the morning, when a girl came jogging by with her dog.  Holden was on my shoulders, and he reached out and touched her face. Understandably she got very upset.  She swung around and started yelling every four letter word you could think of.  I tried to apologize, but before I could explain anything, that I was sorry, that Holden was autistic, she was gone.  I felt terrible and the whole thing stuck with me for a few weeks.  To my surprise, about three weeks later, we were waiting for the bus again, when someone stopped and started talking to me.  It was the same jogger and her dog.  She apologized for over reacting, and expressed that she had been attracted once, and was still haunted by that.  I told her there was nothing to apologize for, she certainly deserved her person space, and explained that Holden was autistic, and didn’t mean any harm.  She felt very bad, and looked on the verge of tears, but I assured her that she had every right to be upset, irrelevant of the circumstance.  She occasionally jogs by and says hi now!).   It is also exercise for me, and lets face it, as we get older, it is harder to keep our guts from growing, while our hair is receding.  There have been a remarkable number of detractors to his riding on my shoulders.  Some people think he is too old and too big for such things.  He also is unaware that he can potentially hurt me, and has in fact done so a few times. However, I enjoy the closeness.  I am very lucky that Holden is an autistic child that doesn’t mind physical contact, and is very affectionate.  I can’t imagine what it is like to have a child fall down and scrap his knee, and when you go to put your arms around him, and comfort him, he starts freaking out even more.  That would truly break my heart.  Holden loves to be tickled, held, carried, and freely gives kisses.

Holden will often ask to go for a walk.  One would think this means that he wants to get out, stretch his legs, and see the world.  Well, some of that is true.  His idea of a walk, is to get down the drive way, and almost past our property, then say “Shoulders”.  This is my cue to let him scramble up on my shoulders, and enjoy the rest of the walk with a view.  His mom once made a great observation: when Holden’s world is still, he is all over the place, but when Holden’s world is moving, he loves to go along for the ride.  So for the most part, he hangs out, pulling leaves off of trees and trying to taste them, but I try to grab them before he can.  He pulls my hair, sticks leaves in my hair, and sometimes rocks back and forth.  There is one thing he does that drives me crazy.  He will grab my head and turn it in the direction he wants me to walk.  To which I express loudly, “Don’t steer me!”  To which he says “This way” twisting my head in the direction he wants to go.  I feel like Seabiscuit.  One day for fathers day, he’ll give me those things to limit my field of view.

Oh brother where art thou

Over the past few years, Zane’s life has changed significantly.  In a matter of 6 years, he went from being the focal point of two parents, and being an only child, to living with his father, and having an autistic little brother.  There is no question that that has had it’s impact on him.  He harbors anger at not having two parents around all the time, and he harbors anger over the fact that he very rarely gets his one parent to himself.  Any board game, card game, video game, hand ball, catch, or any other activity we attempt together, is always contingent upon Holden cooperating with us.  For instance Holden could be playing in the backyard, therefore I am in the backyard watching him.  Zane might ask me to play handball with him.  So Zane and I start playing handball, and Holden is perhaps riding his scooter.  Halfway through our game, Holden may suddenly decide to go inside.  I have no choice but to follow him.  For completely understandable reasons, Zane gets upset.  He feels like I love Holden more then him, and feels like Holden is more important then him.  To be completely fair, Zane never tires of attention, and even when he was the only child, he always wanted more attention.  That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a good reason to get annoyed, it just means that he doesn’t have to turn it into his academy award winning performance of the tortured child.  His closet is packed full of those little Oscar Statuettes ( http://www.oscars.org/awards/academyawards/about/awards/oscar.html ).  

In truth Zane does make some sacrifices, and I try to compensate as much as I can.  Last year I was having my nannies work for 4 hours on my days off, so I could hangout with Zane one on one.  Unfortunately it just got to be to expensive, in a budget already stretched to the limit.  Luckily this year the Regional center has granted me Rest-Bit, and once my nanny is signed up, we will continue to get around 4 hours a week of Daddy/Zane time.  I don’t even want to get into how little Daddy time, daddy gets, and a social life is completely out of the question.  This time for Zane is so important for him, and to him.  That doesn’t mean that his closet won’t continue to get Oscars in it, Zane has quite a flair for drama, and LOVES to argue, I’m thinking future lawyer here!

In the mean time, Zane will have to except his role as my go to guy, we have nobody else to do the job.  This means if I need to cook, put laundry in the washer or dryer, (I do laundry twice a week, making sure to always do it once while Zane is in school, but my days off are Wednesday, Thursday, and Sunday (I work 4/10, ten hour days, four days a week) so I have to do laundry on Sunday, when they don’t have school.) make a bed, go to the bathroom (Yes, I even have to ask Zane if I can use the bathroom, this is when I get my Oscars, when he expresses frustration that his father goes potty.), or anything else that requires my attention.  He is capable of making the best of it, but often chooses not to.  He can be mean and hurtful to his brother, and blames him for a lot of things that are just not the case, but he does try.  

I have to say, that Zane has adapted pretty well, considering the massive life changes he has had to endure.  His grades in school are awesome (he had zero absences last school year). He is very mature in a lot of way (and immature in others). He is capable of understanding very deep philosophical ideas, and loves metaphor. He is a voracious reader. He excepts that there are times when Holden will not watch what he wants to watch, and that it goes beyond taste, but rather has to do with obsessive compulsive behaviour. Above all, he has managed to never kill Holden in his sleep (probably because Holden sleeps with me, but we will give Zane the benefit of the doubt.).  I think as Zane gets older, and hopefully as Holden develops more, we will all be better people for the relationship we have together.  Zane is very affectionate, loving, and creative, and despite what he thinks I love him just as much as I love Holden, and I loved him first!

Holden on the loose!

Holden is a constant flight risk.  It doesn’t matter whether he is at home, at the park, at school, at the store, or anywhere else.  One time he was playing in an extra room that we had set up as a play room.  I was trying to cook lunch for us, and would keep checking on him, because he is also a great climber.  Many an occasion I would check on him, and he would be standing on top of a five foot high dresser.  So I put my meal preparation a side for a moment, and went to check on him, only to find he had pushed out the screen in the window, and was gone.  I went running outside, and he was sitting behind the wheel of my truck, as happy as a clam, pretending to drive.  After swallowing my heart back down to it’s proper position, and clearing my mind of all the images of Holden being dragged down the street under a car, I retrieved him, begging him to never do that again, while considering putting bars up on all the windows in the house.  

Another time we were in the backyard.  There are two main risks in the backyard.  He can climb the fence into the pool area, and he can climb the fence out into the front yard.  He can do both remarkably fast.  Once Zane was watching Holden while I was making food in the kitchen, and Zane yelled “Holden, no!”  I ran outside to watch him disappear over the fence.  For obvious reasons we keep the gate locked, so I jumped the fence and ran after him.  He reached the end of the driveway and thankfully started running down the side walk, rather then into the street when I caught him, bleeding and out of breath.  On this particular occasion I was sitting outside with Holden, reading a book.  I had both fences in my peripheral vision and I could hear him playing.  All of a sudden it got very quiet.  I put my book down and called his name.  He was playing in a play house, that he likes to climb into the second floor.  I removed the ladder, but he simply climbs on items like his bike.  I looked in the playhouse, and he was nowhere to be found.  My heart stated to pound as I called him again.  I could feel my panic growing. There was no way he went over a fence.  I stopped looking for second and listened.  I could hear him singing to himself.  Our street is on a bit of a hill, so the neighbors backyard is elevated above ours, so there is a 5 foot cinder block wall, with a six foot wood fence on it.  Holden had climbed onto the cinder block wall, scooted behind the playhouse and found a loose board in the wood fence, and squirmed into the neighbors back yard.  

It never ceases to amaze me how fast the little guy is too.  Zane has trouble keeping up with him, and I need to actually run, not just jog to catch him.  I will warn people that he will just bolt, but they don’t seem to get it, till they open the car door for him, and all of a sudden see me running down the street after him, not even realizing he has taken off yet.  Zane and I have learned to always be ready for it, but Holden can certainly catch all of us off guard.  In the Video below, we were at Bates Nut Farm, and I was videoing the area for a friend, and asked Zane to watch his brother.  You can see what happens when Zane drops his attention just for a second.

I want push you please!

Holden has been doing absolutely awesome on his pronouns.  The only time he seems to get them wrong now, is when it is something he has said for a long time.  Such as “I want push you please”.  Holden loves to swing on the swing, and he loves it when I push him.  Yesterday I went to correct him, and say “I want  push ME please.” but I stopped myself.  As a parent in general, our goal is to get our children as prepared for the real world as possible, while sheltering them from it at the same time.  It is a tricky balancing act at any age, for lots of situations.  When is the right time to shelter, and the right time to educate on subjects like: drugs, sex, crime, violence, etc.  It becomes quite a challenge.  Is it better to hear it from their loving parents? Or from teachers? The news? Internet? Other kids at school?  What ever our belief, it poses a problem.  In Zane’s case, I encourage him to seek knowledge on his own, via books and the Internet.  He watches me search things for him, when I don’t know the answer, all the time.  With Holden, it is so much more complicated.  There are social norms that he may never understand, and that I myself don’t honestly know why it has to be the way it is.  It’s hard enough telling Zane that he shouldn’t point something out, that he is completely correct about, because to do so is considered impolite, but Holden is a completely different story.  Why should Holden have to laugh at something he doesn’t consider funny, just to fit in.  Is that preparing him to be independent, or is it teaching him to be like everyone else?

So here I was, having my beautiful autistic son yelling “Daddy, I want push you please!” and my first thought was to correct his pronoun.  There are so many things that we as parents of autistic children need to try to instill in our children.  Silly social things like keeping our clothes on in public.  Frankly, we might be a lot less uptight as a nation if we all went  around naked all the time, but currently there are laws against that, so I feel the need to teach my son to remain clothed all day.  Because of his disability, this means making sure he always keeps his clothes on, because he doesn’t always grasp situational instances.  Autistic kids often have heightened senses, and clothes can feel uncomfortable to them.   I spent a long time trying to get him to just address me. It would be something like this:

Holden opens the refrigerator.
“What do you want Holden? Use your words.”
“Juice”
“How do we ask for juice?”
“I want juice please”
“Very good, can you say Daddy, I want juice please”
“Daddy, I want juice please.” To which I happily get him his juice, and a place mat, a napkin, and make sure he is sitting on his butt while he drinks said drink.  I clean once a week, but Holden requires constant spot mopping.

So here I am, pushing him on the swing.  Which, by the way, he can be content with for so long, that I am falling asleep on my feet pushing him.  I know that I need to prepare him for life after I am gone.  I know that I need to do my best to make him self sufficient and be socially acceptable.  I also know that we work hard, all the time with him.  I once told a teacher that it was hard to always force Holden to use his words, because at the time he would start asking for his mother,  who at the time had him half the time, and wouldn’t push the language as much.  I expressed to the teacher that I didn’t want my son to hate me, or even prefer his mother over me, because I force him to speak.  Her response was, all kids hate their parents eventually, do what is best for him.  I completely understand this logic, there are times when we have to do things that our children are not going to like, because it is what is best for them. I just think there has to be a limit to it.  I can’t help but feel that today, I am not going to correct his pronoun.  It just so happens that I LOVE it when he say “I want push you please”.

Shoes, we don't need no stinking shoes!

Both of my boys come home from school, and before they do anything, they take their shoes off.  Zane usually leaves his socks on while he does his homework and roams the house, but he know I will loudly protest to him wearing socks only outside.  Nothing kills a pair of socks faster then trekking around outside in them, plus is makes it hard to get clean.  I am, after all, a guy.  For a guy I am very good about doing laundry, and sending my boys to school in clean clothes, however I do not separate loads and bleach my whites, so no socks outside!  Holden takes both his socks and his shoes off, as soon as he gets home, and proceeds to leave them where ever he wants.  

If we end up going anywhere I will have to track down one of Holden’s 4 pairs of flip flops.  These regularly disappear, as I try to get Holden to where something while he plays outside.  So I spend ten minutes rummaging through everything, and searching high and low for his shoes, asking Zane, much to his annoyance, several times if he has seen any of Holden’s flip flops.  Eventually I manage to find a pair, get them on Holden, and make for the garage, when Zane informs me that he doesn’t have shoes on.  To which I will ask, “Zane, you knew we were going somewhere, you saw me looking for Holden’s flip flops, why didn’t you put your shoes on?” to which he will respond “How should I know you wanted to go somewhere.” So I help Zane track down his shoes.  We go for the garage once more, and as I get to the door, I notice that Holden has already shed his flip flops somewhere.  At which point I debate whether Holden is going to require shoes on what ever errand we are about to run.  I have completely given up on his wear shoes in the backyard.

This wouldn’t really be that big of deal to me, hell those of you who have known me a long time, know there were about five years of my life, in which I never wore shoes, AT ALL.  The problem is, when Holden goes to bed at night, and starts his nightly routine of self evaluation, he starts obsessing on things.  First it will be “Band aid” or even better “Snowman Band Aid” (Holden calls ice packs snowman band aids, because I had some of the chemical ones that you break to activate, and they have a picture of a snow flake on the box, that looks like a band aid box.) that he wants as he finds nicks and cuts he has acquired while outside without his shoes on.  After receiving a band aid or two he will next ask for “scissors” (Holden refers to anything that resembles a pair of scissors as scissors, this includes the dike style toe nail cutters, and of course actual scissors), as he discovers snags in his toe nails, and they drive him crazy.  This is all after he has gone to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and taken off his clothes for bed, and is lying in bed.  So I try and get Zane ready for bed, try to get myself ready for bed, and deal with every little obsessive thing Holden can find on his body.  Last night it was three calls of “Scissors!”, each time I have to find the particular snag he is feeling, and cut it off.  Then he settles back down, and just when you think he is ready to sleep, “Scissors”, and it starts all over again.

Can you say O.C.D.?

Children with autism tend to have anxiety issues, these anxiety issues present themselves in various ways, from behavioural to O.C.D. (Obsessive compulsive disorder).  However, unlike children with only O.C.D., who are tortured by there repetitive thoughts and consequential repetitive behaviours, like washing their hands 25 times, autistic children are comforted by repetitive behaviours.  If anyone is unsure if there child is autistic or O.C.D. there is a great article here http://drbowers.wordpress.com/2009/10/20/autism-and-ocd-in-children/ .  

Holden certainly has O.C.D. tendencies, that are probably brought on by the stress and anxiety of not being able to express his brilliant mind and deep emotions that everyone who knows him, knows he possess.  For the most part, these tendencies do not really get in the way of his everyday life (mine and Zane’s lives, well that’s something else).  However they do make for some interesting issues.  For instance, Holden quite recently has begun to have a morning constitution, that seems to occur right before the bus is going to show up to take him to school.  Recently, ever the conversationalist, he expressed my most feared word at 6:15am “Poop?”.  The tough part here is that Holden often uses “poop” as an excuse not to do something, like say brush his teeth..  So I have to ask, “Holden, do you have to poop”, he will answer either  “no” and find his next excuse not to brush his teeth like “shower?”, or answer “yes”.

So on this particularly fine morning Holden answered “yes”.  When Holden uses the restroom, he demonstrates, without a doubt, that he is his grandfather's grandson, and his Uncle Daniel’s nephew.  If Holden read the paper, he would take the paper into the bathroom with him.  Here’s the problem, Holden’s bus is scheduled to arrive at 6:30am, I am asked by the transportation company to have him outside and waiting by 6:25am.  If it were Zane needing to use the restroom, no problem, he would be in and out in 2 minutes max.  So Holden finishes his business in pretty good time, he has missed the bus probably 3 times this year, for this reason, which on a work day requires me to take him to work with me, then take him to school at 8am, and that experience is a whole blog post on it’s own.  So I rush him to get his clothes back on and out to the bus.  Here is when his O.C.D. tendencies start to drive me crazy, he has to put the seat down, before he flush the toilet.  Then we get in the hall and start to head for the door, but the bedroom door is a jar, and he has to close that before he will proceed.  I grab his arm and start assisting him in his efforts to get outside. When we get to kitchen, I make the mistake of guiding him through a chair that is pulled out, he jerks his arm, and begins to make his “I am going to melt down sounds”, I ask him “What?” and he says “Chair”. Now we have to cross back across the room, walk on the inside of the chair, then push the chair in, and walk on the  outside of the chair.  We make it out to the garage, where he now has to close the garage door using the keypad, and I have to tell him each digit of the code, while he searches for them.  I am pretty sure he knows the numbers, he just likes me to say them too him.  As the garage door closes, the bus pulls up.  Home free right? not really.  As I put him on the bus, he starts to get upset again and says "video".  Holden likes to take things to school for comfort, like a security blanket.  For him it can be a calculator, a video, a wireless mouse.  You never really know, and his teacher is fine with him bring them to school, and Holden is very good about leaving them in his backpack.  So I tell him I’ll get one, if he allows the driver to strap him in. I sprint up the drive, reopen the garage door, run through the house, fetch a video, run back and put it in his backpack. Now he is happy and ready for school, empty bowls, and with his video of the day.  I, am totally stressed, out of breath, and still need to get to work.
The whole point of this story, was to set up another story.  Yesterday when I got home, and relieved the nanny of her duties, Holden started to freak out.  Katie, Holden’s nanny, tells me that he has been obsessing on closing her door on her truck. I express to Holden that it is time for Katie to go, but he expresses to me he wants to go outside, and doesn’t care that I don’t want him to go outside barefoot.  Deciding to pick my battles wisely, and being tired from work, I humor him. So we walk out together, Katie unlocks the truck by remote, Holden walks up to the passenger door, opens it, then closes it, and walks happily back to the house with me.  

I could have pushed the issue, and he would have gotten upset, but probably not had a melt down.  But to see Holden made happy so easily, sometimes I give in.  Of course there are things I have to insist on, and he can be anything from mildly upset, to having a full on melt down, but that is life with Holden. =)

What is that sound?

In the unlikely event that you find yourself walking down my street, and hear the sound of a goose being tortured, that is in fact the sound of Zane practicing.  Zane decided he wanted to join band this year, and wants to play the clarinet.  Of course, he couldn't have picked guitar or bass, which I already own 12 of, that would have been way, WAY, to easy.  However, I am of course happy that he wants to pursue music.  Perhaps his choosing to play clarinet was his way of choosing an instrument in which he did NOT have to be taught by me.  Perhaps there is much method in his madness!!!

Can you say stomachache?

Every once in a while there are these peaceful moments where the boys are getting along, playing together, in an almost human sort of way.  Yesterday there was just one of those moments when the boys where playing on the computer in Zane's room.  This is great for me, because a) they are in the same room, and I don't have to keep checking on them in different places, and b) they are entertained, and not destroying the house, or themselves.  On this occasion, I sat down on a low seat in Zane's room, and as is often the case when I actually get a chance to sit down, I fell asleep.  Holden apparently got bored with Zane hogging the computer, and climbed up onto his brothers toy box, and jumped onto my stomach.  His feet landed just below my belly button.  I can't even begin to express how painful that was.

I grew up with two older brothers, I have been woken up in some very rude, and vulgar ways.  I also spent a good portion of my 20's on tour, where also, I had been woken in some very rude and vulgar ways.  Especial since there was only a curtain between me, and the would be prankster.  Holden topped them all! You can not imagine the shock of being completely relaxed, and having a 60 pound kid fly through the air and land on your abdomen.  I strongly suggest nobody trying this at home!

Dad can you help me with my homework?

This would seem like a very easy and normal request, however when you add Holden into the mix, you never know what you are going to get.
"Of course I can Zane." Mean while Holden goes running down the hall. Zane starts to explain the problem he is having with his homework, when I hear the faucet in the hall bathroom turn on. Normally this would simply mean someone washing their hands right? Not with Holden, I go running down the hall in time to watch him start filling one of the bathroom draws that he has pulled out, with water.  Upon seeing me, he dumps the drawer full of water on the floor.

As I get the drawer away from Holden, Zane is calling me that he still needs my help.  I over aggressively express to Zane that he is going to have to wait as I dry the floor.  Mean while Holden is off to wage more destruction.

After cleaning up the bathroom, and locking off half the house, I proceed back to the kitchen to help Zane with his homework problem.  Once again he begins to explain what he is having problems with, insisting that he has answered the problem correctly, but that his answer does not jive with the answer sheet.

Mean while Holden has taken to the back yard, and is playing in the dirt.  I don't usually mind him playing in the dirt, it occupies him, he enjoys it, and dirt washes off. However it inevitably leads to him wanting water, to mix with the dirt, and make mud.  This poses several problems, one he will actually sample (as in taste) his chocolate milk made of dirt, water, and various other things on the ground.  Two, once muddy, he thinks it great fun to spread the mud over every surface possible, and three he often doesn't bother to ask, but rather brings some kind of container already filled with dirt into the kitchen and fills is with water, spilling it as he walks out of the kitchen back into the back yard.

So my attention is a mix of listen to Zane explain how he has done everything right, but not come up with the desired answer, while keeping an eye on Holden.  I explain to Zane that the chances of the answer sheet being wrong are probably slim, though not impossible, as Zane is very specific, and will tell me about a time 4 years earlier when the answer book was wrong, ONCE! Holden makes a break for the sliding glass door, carrying a cup full of dirt.  I head him off, while Zane starts pounding his pencil at his homework saying:

"This is right, this is right, this is right"

Zane hits his homework with his pencil, pointing out his work.  Holden makes one more dash for the house, that I cut off, and get him distracted with a few Gold Fish crackers.  Holden takes a Frisbee he has been using as a plate for his "food" that he has been making in the back yard,  dumps it on the ground and proceeds to pour his Gold Fish into the Frisbee, grabs a plank of wood, sets it on a Tonka truck and makes his make shift table.  While he drags a chair over, I make a dash for Zane and his homework problem.

I finally get to reading the math word problem out loud, as I am reading them Zane exclaims!

"Oh, you are supposed to subtract, not add." and grabs the homework back from me and fixes his own mistake.  At which point I want to punt his little ass out the window, but instead, say :

"Good job buddy, way to find your own mistake, next time read the problem thoroughly, okay bud."

"Thanks dad, I love you."

And with those words, all is good again.

In The Beginning

This blog is intended to serve two purposes.  The first is for me to express some of the difficult aspects of raising an autistic child.  The second is for me to vent a little, hopefully in a humorous way, about the life myself and my boys lead.  I hope to include fun things and not so fun things.  I am a single parent to two boys, Zane (10 years old) and Holden (6 year old with autism).  These are our adventures.