Over the past few years, Zane’s life has changed significantly. In a matter of 6 years, he went from being the focal point of two parents, and being an only child, to living with his father, and having an autistic little brother. There is no question that that has had it’s impact on him. He harbors anger at not having two parents around all the time, and he harbors anger over the fact that he very rarely gets his one parent to himself. Any board game, card game, video game, hand ball, catch, or any other activity we attempt together, is always contingent upon Holden cooperating with us. For instance Holden could be playing in the backyard, therefore I am in the backyard watching him. Zane might ask me to play handball with him. So Zane and I start playing handball, and Holden is perhaps riding his scooter. Halfway through our game, Holden may suddenly decide to go inside. I have no choice but to follow him. For completely understandable reasons, Zane gets upset. He feels like I love Holden more then him, and feels like Holden is more important then him. To be completely fair, Zane never tires of attention, and even when he was the only child, he always wanted more attention. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a good reason to get annoyed, it just means that he doesn’t have to turn it into his academy award winning performance of the tortured child. His closet is packed full of those little Oscar Statuettes ( http://www.oscars.org/awards/academyawards/about/awards/oscar.html ).
In truth Zane does make some sacrifices, and I try to compensate as much as I can. Last year I was having my nannies work for 4 hours on my days off, so I could hangout with Zane one on one. Unfortunately it just got to be to expensive, in a budget already stretched to the limit. Luckily this year the Regional center has granted me Rest-Bit, and once my nanny is signed up, we will continue to get around 4 hours a week of Daddy/Zane time. I don’t even want to get into how little Daddy time, daddy gets, and a social life is completely out of the question. This time for Zane is so important for him, and to him. That doesn’t mean that his closet won’t continue to get Oscars in it, Zane has quite a flair for drama, and LOVES to argue, I’m thinking future lawyer here!
In the mean time, Zane will have to except his role as my go to guy, we have nobody else to do the job. This means if I need to cook, put laundry in the washer or dryer, (I do laundry twice a week, making sure to always do it once while Zane is in school, but my days off are Wednesday, Thursday, and Sunday (I work 4/10, ten hour days, four days a week) so I have to do laundry on Sunday, when they don’t have school.) make a bed, go to the bathroom (Yes, I even have to ask Zane if I can use the bathroom, this is when I get my Oscars, when he expresses frustration that his father goes potty.), or anything else that requires my attention. He is capable of making the best of it, but often chooses not to. He can be mean and hurtful to his brother, and blames him for a lot of things that are just not the case, but he does try.
I have to say, that Zane has adapted pretty well, considering the massive life changes he has had to endure. His grades in school are awesome (he had zero absences last school year). He is very mature in a lot of way (and immature in others). He is capable of understanding very deep philosophical ideas, and loves metaphor. He is a voracious reader. He excepts that there are times when Holden will not watch what he wants to watch, and that it goes beyond taste, but rather has to do with obsessive compulsive behaviour. Above all, he has managed to never kill Holden in his sleep (probably because Holden sleeps with me, but we will give Zane the benefit of the doubt.). I think as Zane gets older, and hopefully as Holden develops more, we will all be better people for the relationship we have together. Zane is very affectionate, loving, and creative, and despite what he thinks I love him just as much as I love Holden, and I loved him first!
In truth Zane does make some sacrifices, and I try to compensate as much as I can. Last year I was having my nannies work for 4 hours on my days off, so I could hangout with Zane one on one. Unfortunately it just got to be to expensive, in a budget already stretched to the limit. Luckily this year the Regional center has granted me Rest-Bit, and once my nanny is signed up, we will continue to get around 4 hours a week of Daddy/Zane time. I don’t even want to get into how little Daddy time, daddy gets, and a social life is completely out of the question. This time for Zane is so important for him, and to him. That doesn’t mean that his closet won’t continue to get Oscars in it, Zane has quite a flair for drama, and LOVES to argue, I’m thinking future lawyer here!
In the mean time, Zane will have to except his role as my go to guy, we have nobody else to do the job. This means if I need to cook, put laundry in the washer or dryer, (I do laundry twice a week, making sure to always do it once while Zane is in school, but my days off are Wednesday, Thursday, and Sunday (I work 4/10, ten hour days, four days a week) so I have to do laundry on Sunday, when they don’t have school.) make a bed, go to the bathroom (Yes, I even have to ask Zane if I can use the bathroom, this is when I get my Oscars, when he expresses frustration that his father goes potty.), or anything else that requires my attention. He is capable of making the best of it, but often chooses not to. He can be mean and hurtful to his brother, and blames him for a lot of things that are just not the case, but he does try.
I have to say, that Zane has adapted pretty well, considering the massive life changes he has had to endure. His grades in school are awesome (he had zero absences last school year). He is very mature in a lot of way (and immature in others). He is capable of understanding very deep philosophical ideas, and loves metaphor. He is a voracious reader. He excepts that there are times when Holden will not watch what he wants to watch, and that it goes beyond taste, but rather has to do with obsessive compulsive behaviour. Above all, he has managed to never kill Holden in his sleep (probably because Holden sleeps with me, but we will give Zane the benefit of the doubt.). I think as Zane gets older, and hopefully as Holden develops more, we will all be better people for the relationship we have together. Zane is very affectionate, loving, and creative, and despite what he thinks I love him just as much as I love Holden, and I loved him first!
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