There is a great website dedicated to helping support families that are touched by autism spectrum disorders, called Autism Support Network http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/ . They have daily Facebook posts that are inspiring and informative. The other day I was reading one of their post about asking for help, as a parent, and especially a single parent of a child on the spectrum. I have decided for this post, to adapt the style of Bertolt Brecht. Brecht’s main contribution to literature was in the form of plays. In his plays, he wanted the audience to realize that the play was a representation of reality, and not reality itself. One of the many ways he did this, was to tell you what was going to happen, before it occurred, or in lay mans terms give away the ending. His idea was to eliminate the anticipation, so that the subject matter could be better digested from a moral stand point and “rational self-reflection and a critical view of the action on the stage”. So the play became the equivalent of one of Aesop’s famed fables. Now a days movies do it all the time, we have some sort of climatic event, then we see something like 36 hours earlier, and the rest of the movie is catching up to the beginning of it, there by eliminating the anticipation of the end of the film. Brecht would also often have the characters talk to the audience directly, breaking the “fourth wall”, again fairly common today in movies like “Farris Bueller’s day off” and “Zombieland”.
I was affected by this post in two ways. My first reaction was to do a little self evaluation, and realize that I have a lot of trouble asking for help. My second reaction was to read all the comments in this post, where everyone seemed to feel as I did about asking for help, and when they finally did ask for help, they didn’t receive any. It has always been difficult for me to ask for help, and in fact even when help is offered, it is still difficult for me to accept it. There is some irony in this, because I am the type of person to offer help, and give it freely. In fact my willingness to help people out has cost me dearly in the past. I once loaned a car to a friend and former drummer of mine who was down on his luck, and had his truck repossessed. He then proceeded to get a DUI in the car I had loaned him, landing my car in impound, and I don’t even want to think what would have happened if he had been in an accident. On another occasion I loaned a guy my semi-rare WWII Jeep trailer to haul some stuff to the dump, and he ended up skipping town with my trailer, never to be seen again.
I would freely admit that it was my pride that made it so difficult for me to ask for help, however, I am not certain that is the case. There is no question that I have some social issues, and this would certainly fall into that category too. There is an interesting “catch 22” that occurs as well, in the rejection of help. When we finally realize we have reached a point where we need help, and we swallow our pride, and ask for it, if we receive rejection, it makes it that much harder to ask again. In all fairness any financial requests in our current economic “climate” are really not fair requests to make, nobody has extra money right now, at least no everyday citizen. I would never even ask for financial help from anyone, even if the economy was booming. I would sooner sell some possession of mine that I thought was important once upon a time, but now realize is really not, in light of the life I now lead. It’s sometimes even just the little things, that can mean so much. That is the kind of help I appreciate. I have honestly received some incredible help from so places I never looked, and I am so grateful to those people who have helped me.
The cool thing is, sometimes help comes to us in the rejection of help. For me, it has made me acutely aware that the help I seek, needs to come from myself. It’s not in the asking for help from others, it’s in the willingness to do what I know needs to be done. It’s knowing that I can only count on myself. Like the old saying goes, “If you want something done right, DO IT YOURSELF.” They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different out come. May be I am insane, because I know this life rule, it should be tattooed across my damn forehead. Time and time again it has surfaced, and I stare at it, and think “Oh yeah, I remember now.”
So in reflecting upon that post, and all the negative response to it, it dawned on me, I do need to swallow my pride and ask for help! The person I need to ask though is me! I know there is only one person I can truly count on to do everything in their power to make things better for myself, and that person is me. So I am swallowing my pride, and confessing in front of the whole wide world (web), self, I need your help! I need your help learning how to take better care of myself. I need your help finding the patients necessary to raise two kids by myself. I need your help making the best choices financially for myself and my kids. I need your help finding my voice to stand up for Holden, and get him the help he needs, to become the most he can be. I need your help making sure I keep Zane honest to himself, and that he finds his place in the world. Most of all, I need your help to have the strength to believe in myself, and remember that if I want it done right, I have to do it myself!
I was affected by this post in two ways. My first reaction was to do a little self evaluation, and realize that I have a lot of trouble asking for help. My second reaction was to read all the comments in this post, where everyone seemed to feel as I did about asking for help, and when they finally did ask for help, they didn’t receive any. It has always been difficult for me to ask for help, and in fact even when help is offered, it is still difficult for me to accept it. There is some irony in this, because I am the type of person to offer help, and give it freely. In fact my willingness to help people out has cost me dearly in the past. I once loaned a car to a friend and former drummer of mine who was down on his luck, and had his truck repossessed. He then proceeded to get a DUI in the car I had loaned him, landing my car in impound, and I don’t even want to think what would have happened if he had been in an accident. On another occasion I loaned a guy my semi-rare WWII Jeep trailer to haul some stuff to the dump, and he ended up skipping town with my trailer, never to be seen again.
I would freely admit that it was my pride that made it so difficult for me to ask for help, however, I am not certain that is the case. There is no question that I have some social issues, and this would certainly fall into that category too. There is an interesting “catch 22” that occurs as well, in the rejection of help. When we finally realize we have reached a point where we need help, and we swallow our pride, and ask for it, if we receive rejection, it makes it that much harder to ask again. In all fairness any financial requests in our current economic “climate” are really not fair requests to make, nobody has extra money right now, at least no everyday citizen. I would never even ask for financial help from anyone, even if the economy was booming. I would sooner sell some possession of mine that I thought was important once upon a time, but now realize is really not, in light of the life I now lead. It’s sometimes even just the little things, that can mean so much. That is the kind of help I appreciate. I have honestly received some incredible help from so places I never looked, and I am so grateful to those people who have helped me.
The cool thing is, sometimes help comes to us in the rejection of help. For me, it has made me acutely aware that the help I seek, needs to come from myself. It’s not in the asking for help from others, it’s in the willingness to do what I know needs to be done. It’s knowing that I can only count on myself. Like the old saying goes, “If you want something done right, DO IT YOURSELF.” They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different out come. May be I am insane, because I know this life rule, it should be tattooed across my damn forehead. Time and time again it has surfaced, and I stare at it, and think “Oh yeah, I remember now.”
So in reflecting upon that post, and all the negative response to it, it dawned on me, I do need to swallow my pride and ask for help! The person I need to ask though is me! I know there is only one person I can truly count on to do everything in their power to make things better for myself, and that person is me. So I am swallowing my pride, and confessing in front of the whole wide world (web), self, I need your help! I need your help learning how to take better care of myself. I need your help finding the patients necessary to raise two kids by myself. I need your help making the best choices financially for myself and my kids. I need your help finding my voice to stand up for Holden, and get him the help he needs, to become the most he can be. I need your help making sure I keep Zane honest to himself, and that he finds his place in the world. Most of all, I need your help to have the strength to believe in myself, and remember that if I want it done right, I have to do it myself!
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