The Popeye Syndrome, "I Yam what I Yam"

Recently I have received quite a lot of praise on behalf of the boys and myself.  For a lot of reasons I am not completely comfortable receiving the praise that is directed at me specifically.  For one thing, I only contributed half of the DNA that went into creating these two lives.  Even so, I tend to believe that we are more then our DNA, that the choices we make in life dictate so much about who we truly are.  We can profess to be anything, but it is our actions that truly define us.  Who would I be, if I called myself an environmentalist, but then didn’t recycle, or reuse, or reduce?  Am I what I say I am, or am I the choices I make, and the actions that come from those choices.  I don’t believe we are predestined to be something, or succeed at something, or fail at something, simply because we are born with a specific set of DNA.  John Nash is a great example of someone who was born with schizophrenia, and taught himself how to over come it.  He did not cure himself, he is still schizophrenic, but he has learned to filter out delusions. Likewise, in all honesty I haven’t raised these children completely by myself, their mom was there for quite a lot of it, and even now is involved from a distance.  She also contributed half of the DNA that created these two lives.  In spite of any genetic markers I may have contributed, like Mr. Nash, they can learn to over come them, if that is their choosing.

Then there is the fact that I feel Zane is on a great path of his own, and that I just nudge him from time to time to stay on course.  He is accepting more and more responsibility, he listens and learns from my experience, and is willing to try things I suggest.  I let him make a lot of choices of his own, and allow him to try things that I know won’t work, so that he can see for himself.  I feel like a lot of the praise that I receive on his behalf, should be directed at him, not me.  He is truly beginning to grasp that there are repercussions to our actions, and that those actions lead back to our choices.  As I stated in my last post, he still tries to deflect responsibility when things don’t go the way he planned, but even his accepting “partial” responsibility is improvement from the past.  I feel like a music teacher who has an exceptionally gifted student, and is given all the credit for his genius.  If credit is going to be given to me for Zane, then I have to take credit for his sarcasm, dark moods, and explosive temper, because I have all of those too.  I am sure if I were not so technical, and prone to arguing, he wouldn’t be equally prone to those as well.  Zane is very compassionate, while there are many who would say I am the only living heart donor.  What traits do I accept credit for, and which do I claim are not my fault?  Do I rush to take credit for his accomplishments, then blame his short coming on others, or him?  

As far as Holden is concerned, I simply do what must be done.  None of us know what we are capable of, until we are put to the test.  The Navy Seals say they put those wanting to be Seals through the hell they put them through for two reasons.  One is to be able to get the best of the best.  The other reason is to show the future Seals that they are capable of pushing their own bodies much further then any of them are aware of.  That when it comes right down to it, physical endurance is actually mental strength.  Nobody knows what they are capable of, until they are put to the test.  I am not in any way, shape, or form, trying to say that what I do is anywhere near as difficult as what the Navy Seals go through, but rather express to all those who say “I don’t know how you do it” that we are all capable of much more then we think.  I hope they are never put to the test, but I suspect when they are, they will find that they simply do, what must be done.  Holden was a particularly difficult test for me, because patients with others is one of the many things I lack as a person.